You have an idea for a great gift, but you need some information from the recipient. How can you find out without giving away your surprise?
GET PEOPLE TALKING
Most people talk about themselves easily. Want to be sure the socks you knit will be the right size? When I wanted to knit a pair for a co-worker, I complimented her shoes by saying, "Those look so cool! Do you know if they come in size 10s [my size]?" Just as I'd hoped, she responded, "I don't know...these are 7s." She told me where she bought them so I could find out, but I'd already found out what I wanted: her shoe size.
Most people also like to give advice. Be subtle. Recently, I wanted to buy my husband a dashcam. He'd mentioned wanting one, but I knew he'd want certain specifications. So I asked my brother to pretend he was in the market for a dashcam and ask my husband which one was best. My brother reported back to me, and I knew what kind to get.
Look for openings to ask leading questions, but try to not be too obvious. You don't want to make your recipient feel uncomfortable.
ENLIST HELP
You can often get in touch with a person's parents, siblings, or roommates to find out clothing and shoe sizes, and whether they already have the latest book in a series or a subscription to a particular service. This is also a great way to check for allergies, intolerances, and other reasons that your idea won't fit as well as you thought.
Do be sure to specify that you're looking for gift ideas--maybe the person helping you will think your idea is perfect and get a duplicate!
CHECK ONLINE
Does your recipient have an online presence? Check out Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and other profiles to glean information on favorite colors, books, movies, brands, foods, and styles. Some people even belong to online gift exchange groups, and keep up a list of ideas for them.
MAYBE...SKIP THE SURPRISE
If you really need to know specific information and can't find out through other channels, you'll need to either get a different gift or go directly to the source. It's not a GOOD surprise if the gift ends up something the recipient can't use.
For my dad's last birthday, one of my brothers suggested a ladder. Dad had seen my brother's and commented that he should replace his with the same kind...just as he said to my other brother, and to me, when saw each of our ladders--newer and more versatile than his. I first called our mom to confirm that Dad hadn't already bought himself a ladder in the past few months. He hadn't, so we agreed ladder was the way to go. Then my other brother found a fantastic sale; the ladder was discounted from $170 to $95. But it was a foot shorter than the model my brothers and I have... I put in another call to Mom, but she wasn't sure the height of Dad's current ladder or how tall he needed it to be. The sale only lasted another day, so my brothers and I decided that since we couldn't really wrap a ladder anyway, we'd just tell him what we were getting him and make sure we got the right size. It would do no good to save money on a ladder that he couldn't use. The shorter ladder DID turn out to be tall enough for what he needed, and we were able to take advantage of the sale (and the free delivery), and most importantly, Dad was happy with his gift: something he needed and wanted, but couldn't justify getting for himself.
Monday, June 1, 2020
Friday, May 15, 2020
Gifts for: Saying Goodbye
What do you do when someone is leaving for somewhere far away? How can you encourage your relationship to survive the distance? If you want to encourage keeping in touch, you can give...
SOMETHING TO REMEMBER ME BY
We live in a city with military base: people come and go often. When a classmate of my daughter was preparing for a move across the country and sad about missing her friends, I was able to get the teacher to help with a going-away present: the teacher took a picture of the class, emailed it to me so I could print it, and I put it in a wooden frame found cheap at a second-hand store so the class could sign it.
Pictures and cards are good mementos, and easy to pack. For someone you're especially close to, you might be able to make or find something to recall a special time you had together, or a joke you share.
As long as it's not too difficult to pack, maybe you can send along something your area is known for: specialty foods (that won't spoil before they can be used), artwork (that will stay intact), plants (that aren't invasive), or other memories of a former home.
HELP FOR THE JOURNEY
The person who's leaving likely has a long way to go, be it by plane, train, car, boat, or some combination. Money or gift cards for gas, food, and lodging along the way are sure to be helpful. You could make a playlist of songs that are important to the two of you, or buy or make activity books keep the recipient (or the recipient's travel companions, especially young ones) occupied. If the trip includes travel to a foreign country, your recipient might like foreign currency or maybe a handmade or storebought pouch to hold a passport and other travel documents.
WELCOME TO YOUR NEW HOME
Do you know your recipient's new address, and can you time mail to be there on moving-in day? If not then, maybe a week later--perhaps with gift cards to local places or guides to the new area. Many cities are willing to mail brochures from the chamber of commerce, and companies like AAA are also a wealth of information on where to get started in new places. For foreign countries, a bit of cash in the local currency can be very helpful; you can get this at most banks (although it can take up to a few weeks).
Not everyone will want to advertise that they're new in town, so don't go signing people up for welcome services or registering them at local clubs. Instead, give your recipient the information and leave the decision to the one who will be affected by it.
STAYING IN TOUCH
Don't let "out of sight, out of mind" be true. If you see something that reminds you of the person who moved away, text a quick picture. If an annual event you used to attend together rolls around, maybe send a souvenir or postcard of it.
You can make it easy for your far-flung recipient to stay in touch, too. When another classmate moved away, my daughter's class sent her off with a stack of stamped cards addressed to their classroom (and a few blank ones) so she was able to write to them from time to time.
Moving far away is a big step, and you want to make it easy on those who undertake it while letting them know that distance is something easily overcome by friendship.
SOMETHING TO REMEMBER ME BY
We live in a city with military base: people come and go often. When a classmate of my daughter was preparing for a move across the country and sad about missing her friends, I was able to get the teacher to help with a going-away present: the teacher took a picture of the class, emailed it to me so I could print it, and I put it in a wooden frame found cheap at a second-hand store so the class could sign it.
Pictures and cards are good mementos, and easy to pack. For someone you're especially close to, you might be able to make or find something to recall a special time you had together, or a joke you share.
As long as it's not too difficult to pack, maybe you can send along something your area is known for: specialty foods (that won't spoil before they can be used), artwork (that will stay intact), plants (that aren't invasive), or other memories of a former home.
HELP FOR THE JOURNEY
The person who's leaving likely has a long way to go, be it by plane, train, car, boat, or some combination. Money or gift cards for gas, food, and lodging along the way are sure to be helpful. You could make a playlist of songs that are important to the two of you, or buy or make activity books keep the recipient (or the recipient's travel companions, especially young ones) occupied. If the trip includes travel to a foreign country, your recipient might like foreign currency or maybe a handmade or storebought pouch to hold a passport and other travel documents.
WELCOME TO YOUR NEW HOME
Do you know your recipient's new address, and can you time mail to be there on moving-in day? If not then, maybe a week later--perhaps with gift cards to local places or guides to the new area. Many cities are willing to mail brochures from the chamber of commerce, and companies like AAA are also a wealth of information on where to get started in new places. For foreign countries, a bit of cash in the local currency can be very helpful; you can get this at most banks (although it can take up to a few weeks).
Not everyone will want to advertise that they're new in town, so don't go signing people up for welcome services or registering them at local clubs. Instead, give your recipient the information and leave the decision to the one who will be affected by it.
STAYING IN TOUCH
Don't let "out of sight, out of mind" be true. If you see something that reminds you of the person who moved away, text a quick picture. If an annual event you used to attend together rolls around, maybe send a souvenir or postcard of it.
You can make it easy for your far-flung recipient to stay in touch, too. When another classmate moved away, my daughter's class sent her off with a stack of stamped cards addressed to their classroom (and a few blank ones) so she was able to write to them from time to time.
Moving far away is a big step, and you want to make it easy on those who undertake it while letting them know that distance is something easily overcome by friendship.
Friday, May 1, 2020
Buying Gifts Online: Tips and Resources
The internet is a great resource for obscure items. With so many website selling handmade or secondhand items, it's easier than ever to find just the right gift. Here are some ways to make it easier:
TIMING
Almost anything ordered online will need to be mailed to you or the recipient, with the exception of things like gift cards, email greeting cards, and intangible items you can print or email proof of. Any number of things can delay shipping, especially if you order from another country. Order with plenty of time to spare and you'll not only give yourself a generous cushion for the unexpected, you'll avoid premium fees for expedited shipping. It also gives you time to be sure the gift isn't damaged, especially if it's secondhand (for example, you'll be able to watch a used DVD to be sure it plays correctly).
For bigger items, order when you'll be home during the delivery window. You don't want a big package sitting outside your door when you're on vacation, so unless someone is collecting or holding your mail for you, be careful of when the gift will arrive.
If you're having the gift sent directly to the recipient, consider whether you want options like gift wrapping or having the price hidden. Not every service will offer this. Make sure the recipient isn't heading out of town when the gift will be delivered.
SAVING MONEY
There are a number of websites that help you save money when ordering online. For discount codes and coupons, check sites like RetailMeNot or NaughtyCodes. Both let you enter the name of the site you're ordering from to check what current deals and coupons are available. You can also often get a discount for your first order from an online store if you create an account or sign up for a newsletter. Deals vary from a free item to a percentage off your first purchase.
There are also browser extensions you can use that automatically look for discount codes when you're shopping online. My two favorite are Honey and Wikibuy. Both show me options for deals when I'm on the checkout page of an online store, and both also store small amounts of points from purchases that I can redeem for gift cards.
You can also track the prices of specific items to see when the lowest prices and buy when the price drops to what you'd prefer to pay. Wikibuy does this, as well as Keepa and CamelCamelCamel, the latter two specifically for Amazon products.
CAVEAT EMPTOR
Be wary of deals that seem too good to be true. If an item is being sold for a fraction of its usual price, especially from a far away country or secondhand, it might not be what you're looking for or it might be broken. If the seller says up front the item will take longer to arrive than the charge dispute window for how you're paying, be careful. For example, you have 180 days to charge a dispute on Paypal. Six months should be plenty of time to get even a custom handmade item, so something that will take longer than that to arrive is a huge red flag.
Make sure you're really getting what you think you are. Read the product description. Are you getting a finished blanket, or the instructions for making one yourself? Is it a full-length mirror, or a handheld one? The book you wanted, or the movie adapted from the book? The soundtrack to that movie? (Fortunately, when that happened to me, it was just something I'd put on hold at the library)
If you're boycotting a particular company or product, you can do some internet research to be sure your gift won't accidentally support something you or the recipient detest. Buycott is a great website to check potential purchases. You can also use it to check items you might want to buy in person.
The internet is vast and you can find the perfect unique gift on it. Just be sure it will arrive on time, intact, for the best price, and that it's something you'll be happy giving.
TIMING
Almost anything ordered online will need to be mailed to you or the recipient, with the exception of things like gift cards, email greeting cards, and intangible items you can print or email proof of. Any number of things can delay shipping, especially if you order from another country. Order with plenty of time to spare and you'll not only give yourself a generous cushion for the unexpected, you'll avoid premium fees for expedited shipping. It also gives you time to be sure the gift isn't damaged, especially if it's secondhand (for example, you'll be able to watch a used DVD to be sure it plays correctly).
For bigger items, order when you'll be home during the delivery window. You don't want a big package sitting outside your door when you're on vacation, so unless someone is collecting or holding your mail for you, be careful of when the gift will arrive.
If you're having the gift sent directly to the recipient, consider whether you want options like gift wrapping or having the price hidden. Not every service will offer this. Make sure the recipient isn't heading out of town when the gift will be delivered.
SAVING MONEY
There are a number of websites that help you save money when ordering online. For discount codes and coupons, check sites like RetailMeNot or NaughtyCodes. Both let you enter the name of the site you're ordering from to check what current deals and coupons are available. You can also often get a discount for your first order from an online store if you create an account or sign up for a newsletter. Deals vary from a free item to a percentage off your first purchase.
There are also browser extensions you can use that automatically look for discount codes when you're shopping online. My two favorite are Honey and Wikibuy. Both show me options for deals when I'm on the checkout page of an online store, and both also store small amounts of points from purchases that I can redeem for gift cards.
You can also track the prices of specific items to see when the lowest prices and buy when the price drops to what you'd prefer to pay. Wikibuy does this, as well as Keepa and CamelCamelCamel, the latter two specifically for Amazon products.
CAVEAT EMPTOR
Be wary of deals that seem too good to be true. If an item is being sold for a fraction of its usual price, especially from a far away country or secondhand, it might not be what you're looking for or it might be broken. If the seller says up front the item will take longer to arrive than the charge dispute window for how you're paying, be careful. For example, you have 180 days to charge a dispute on Paypal. Six months should be plenty of time to get even a custom handmade item, so something that will take longer than that to arrive is a huge red flag.
Make sure you're really getting what you think you are. Read the product description. Are you getting a finished blanket, or the instructions for making one yourself? Is it a full-length mirror, or a handheld one? The book you wanted, or the movie adapted from the book? The soundtrack to that movie? (Fortunately, when that happened to me, it was just something I'd put on hold at the library)
If you're boycotting a particular company or product, you can do some internet research to be sure your gift won't accidentally support something you or the recipient detest. Buycott is a great website to check potential purchases. You can also use it to check items you might want to buy in person.
The internet is vast and you can find the perfect unique gift on it. Just be sure it will arrive on time, intact, for the best price, and that it's something you'll be happy giving.
Wednesday, April 15, 2020
Gifts for Religious and Cultural Rites of Passage
As is probably obvious, I have much more experience with Christian rites of passage than those of other religions or cultures. If I've made mistakes, please let me know.
There is a huge variety of rites of passage in many religions and cultures. What makes for an appropriate gift is going to be dictated by that religion or culture, as well as the age of the person. A baby having his bris is going to get different gifts than a teenage girl having a quinceañera, who in turn wouldn't be getting gifts appropriate for an adult man being ordained into the priesthood. Especially if you're not from the same background as the person celebrating the rite of passage, do your research. For example, a Bible is a reasonable gift for a Christian rite of passage, but there are different versions and translations, and some are more appropriate for one denomination than for another.
The key to giving a gift directly related to the specific rite is to find something that will continue the recipient's journey. For example, when one of my children celebrate First Communion, she got a beautiful missal (a book that aids in following and understanding our church services) from one of her godparents. It's a keepsake she'll be able to use for decades.
Of course, especially with non-perishable gifts, you have to consider the recipient's position in life, and age. A missal would have been hopelessly redundant for my cousin when he was ordained a priest in his thirties--not only does he already have his own, he'll be able to use the ones at any church he serves. But a set of towels that my mom embroidered with his initials for when he moved into a rectory shared with two other priests? Practical and thoughtful.
Children's versions of holy books are popular gifts for childhood rites of passage, and can be very well-received: more than three decades later, I still have the children's Bible my godparents gave me at my baptism. For younger children or babies, there are also many toy versions of various religious objects. Provided they wouldn't be considered sacrilegious (some religions don't allow art depictions of deities or religious founders; for those that don't such a restriction, religious art like icons are wonderful), many parents will be happy to have these tools to help their children learn about their faith on their level.
For teenage rites of passage, older gifts are more appropriate. Though the person may as young as twelve, these rites indicate a person's adult decision to live according to the particular beliefs. In-depth books about the history of the specific culture or religion are a great idea, or other ways to broaden and encourage the person's journey. When people enter a new religion or culture as an adult convert, similar consideration should apply.
If you're concerned that your recipient may become too overburdened with things, especially if the rite of passage includes a long-distance move, a heartfelt card can be perfect. Food is is another wonderful gift--with a rite of passage, be sure to take extra caution that you aren't using any ingredients forbidden by that particular culture or religion!
Some rites of passage might require a person to abstain from material goods or wealth. If religious in nature, a promise to pray, light a candle, offer a mass, or other invocation particular to the religion should be appreciated. Another idea is to donate to the person's cause as allowed by the group's rules--for example, in-kind donations like food might be allowed but direct gifts of money might not. In general, if you have any doubts, ask if the gift is appropriate. When you're giving a gift to support someone through a rite of passage, it's more important that you respect the recipient's beliefs than that the recipient is surprised by the gift.
If you're uncomfortable giving a gift specifically tied to religious or cultural significance, or even if you know the recipient well enough to have an outside-the-box-idea, there's no rule that you have to give a "traditional" gift. When my first godchild was baptized at six months old, I knew she already had a children's Bible, and that her grandfather who's a deacon was likely to give her any religious item you could name. I also knew that she was fascinated by looking at patterns of swirls and dots, so I gave her a framed print of Van Gogh's Starry Night. It was hung in her room right away.
And when her grandfather (my uncle) was ordained as a deacon, I baked him some of the bread his grandmother used to make--in the course of his study, my uncle had amassed and read more religious books than I could count, and he already had many sentimental religious items. The bread wouldn't take up space in his home for more than a few days.
The bottom line is that you want your gift to show that you're excited the recipient is entering the next phase of their journey through life. Whether you find a way to show that through attending the ceremony, finding or making the perfect thing to help them with that journey, or know just what will make them happy on that special day, you're saying you acknowledge the importance and the impact of the rite, and that you care.
There is a huge variety of rites of passage in many religions and cultures. What makes for an appropriate gift is going to be dictated by that religion or culture, as well as the age of the person. A baby having his bris is going to get different gifts than a teenage girl having a quinceañera, who in turn wouldn't be getting gifts appropriate for an adult man being ordained into the priesthood. Especially if you're not from the same background as the person celebrating the rite of passage, do your research. For example, a Bible is a reasonable gift for a Christian rite of passage, but there are different versions and translations, and some are more appropriate for one denomination than for another.
The key to giving a gift directly related to the specific rite is to find something that will continue the recipient's journey. For example, when one of my children celebrate First Communion, she got a beautiful missal (a book that aids in following and understanding our church services) from one of her godparents. It's a keepsake she'll be able to use for decades.
Of course, especially with non-perishable gifts, you have to consider the recipient's position in life, and age. A missal would have been hopelessly redundant for my cousin when he was ordained a priest in his thirties--not only does he already have his own, he'll be able to use the ones at any church he serves. But a set of towels that my mom embroidered with his initials for when he moved into a rectory shared with two other priests? Practical and thoughtful.
Children's versions of holy books are popular gifts for childhood rites of passage, and can be very well-received: more than three decades later, I still have the children's Bible my godparents gave me at my baptism. For younger children or babies, there are also many toy versions of various religious objects. Provided they wouldn't be considered sacrilegious (some religions don't allow art depictions of deities or religious founders; for those that don't such a restriction, religious art like icons are wonderful), many parents will be happy to have these tools to help their children learn about their faith on their level.
For teenage rites of passage, older gifts are more appropriate. Though the person may as young as twelve, these rites indicate a person's adult decision to live according to the particular beliefs. In-depth books about the history of the specific culture or religion are a great idea, or other ways to broaden and encourage the person's journey. When people enter a new religion or culture as an adult convert, similar consideration should apply.
If you're concerned that your recipient may become too overburdened with things, especially if the rite of passage includes a long-distance move, a heartfelt card can be perfect. Food is is another wonderful gift--with a rite of passage, be sure to take extra caution that you aren't using any ingredients forbidden by that particular culture or religion!
 |
| Bonus points if the food is related to the occasion: these dove cookies were for the baptism of a pre-teen family friend |
Some rites of passage might require a person to abstain from material goods or wealth. If religious in nature, a promise to pray, light a candle, offer a mass, or other invocation particular to the religion should be appreciated. Another idea is to donate to the person's cause as allowed by the group's rules--for example, in-kind donations like food might be allowed but direct gifts of money might not. In general, if you have any doubts, ask if the gift is appropriate. When you're giving a gift to support someone through a rite of passage, it's more important that you respect the recipient's beliefs than that the recipient is surprised by the gift.
If you're uncomfortable giving a gift specifically tied to religious or cultural significance, or even if you know the recipient well enough to have an outside-the-box-idea, there's no rule that you have to give a "traditional" gift. When my first godchild was baptized at six months old, I knew she already had a children's Bible, and that her grandfather who's a deacon was likely to give her any religious item you could name. I also knew that she was fascinated by looking at patterns of swirls and dots, so I gave her a framed print of Van Gogh's Starry Night. It was hung in her room right away.
And when her grandfather (my uncle) was ordained as a deacon, I baked him some of the bread his grandmother used to make--in the course of his study, my uncle had amassed and read more religious books than I could count, and he already had many sentimental religious items. The bread wouldn't take up space in his home for more than a few days.
The bottom line is that you want your gift to show that you're excited the recipient is entering the next phase of their journey through life. Whether you find a way to show that through attending the ceremony, finding or making the perfect thing to help them with that journey, or know just what will make them happy on that special day, you're saying you acknowledge the importance and the impact of the rite, and that you care.
Wednesday, April 1, 2020
Gifts for Collectors
At first glance, it seems like it would be easy to pick a gift for a collector. But collecting can be specific, so you'll need to communicate with your recipient or have an inside source.
Many collections need to be stored specifically--shadow boxes, coin holders, protective cases. If you know a specific container is needed, you can pick one up. If you're not sure what kind is best, a gift card to a store that sells them is better. You might also consider special lighting to display the collection, if needed.
A lot of collections have various guides and books that go along with them. If you know the collector doesn't already have them, they're a good option.
Some items are best collected at conventions. You might be able to sponsor all or part of a trip to one, or a day pass. If the location makes it possible, you could go along too and let the collector get to experience the fun with a friend.
If you know a collector is after specific items that are hard to find and you see an opportunity, jump on it. Worst case scenario is that the collector found one in the meantime and either loves having a back up or you can sell it again. Just be sure it is the right item--maybe the postage stamp is only good if it's unused or the action figure if it's unopened or from a particular production line, for example. Be warned though that some of these items are very expensive. Certain coins that numismatists might be seeking are hundreds of dollars.
If the collection centers around popular culture, you might be able to get relevant autographs. An internet search for a particular actor or author or artist can reveal a PO box or agent's address for sending fan mail. If you mail a nice letter and include stamps and a return envelope, it's possible you'll get an autograph sent back to you. It won't always work and can take a few months, especially if you're requesting an autograph from someone in another country. It's worth a shot, though.
Many collections need to be stored specifically--shadow boxes, coin holders, protective cases. If you know a specific container is needed, you can pick one up. If you're not sure what kind is best, a gift card to a store that sells them is better. You might also consider special lighting to display the collection, if needed.
A lot of collections have various guides and books that go along with them. If you know the collector doesn't already have them, they're a good option.
Some items are best collected at conventions. You might be able to sponsor all or part of a trip to one, or a day pass. If the location makes it possible, you could go along too and let the collector get to experience the fun with a friend.
If you know a collector is after specific items that are hard to find and you see an opportunity, jump on it. Worst case scenario is that the collector found one in the meantime and either loves having a back up or you can sell it again. Just be sure it is the right item--maybe the postage stamp is only good if it's unused or the action figure if it's unopened or from a particular production line, for example. Be warned though that some of these items are very expensive. Certain coins that numismatists might be seeking are hundreds of dollars.
If the collection centers around popular culture, you might be able to get relevant autographs. An internet search for a particular actor or author or artist can reveal a PO box or agent's address for sending fan mail. If you mail a nice letter and include stamps and a return envelope, it's possible you'll get an autograph sent back to you. It won't always work and can take a few months, especially if you're requesting an autograph from someone in another country. It's worth a shot, though.
Sunday, March 15, 2020
Gifts for Families
With having nieces and nephews, I find it fun to give a gift the family can enjoy. My own family receives gifts for everyone as well, which we also appreciated.
MOVIE NIGHT
You have several options here. For going out, you can give gift cards to movie theaters (or to a play, if the family's children can sit through one) that will cover tickets and snacks or to a drive-in plus some popcorn. You can give a subscription to an online streaming service or a gift card to a rental company like Redbox with movie snacks. If you know what sort of movies the family likes and doesn't yet have, give the treats with the movie itself. Depending on your budget, you could even give some blankets or pillows to sit under or on while watching a movie at home.
For a fun presentation, you can pick up a popcorn tub at a dollar store to wrap the gift in.
EXPERIENCES AND MEMBERSHIPS
If the family lives near a zoo, science center, aquarium, museum, or other such place, you can give a family membership. They're usually good for one year. If that's too much, you can often also find day passes. A place like the YMCA is also great for a membership; it has classes for everyone whether taken individually or together and childcare for when the parents need a break during their own workouts.
There might be a class the family would enjoy taking together, maybe an art or cooking class. A family who enjoys going to the library or farmer's market together could use a tote bag that you buy, sew, knit, crochet, or embroider. Think or ask about what the family likes to do together to get started brainstorming.
There are also play areas specifically geared toward kids. If you know the family likes being able to take their kids places like this, a pass card or membership will be very appreciated. Many indoor play areas require socks--if you knit, handmade socks can be a nice conveyance gift to go along with it.
For families who like outdoor activities, you can give items for a picnic (maybe include a handmade picnic blanket and napkins or homemade trail mix) or a hike. There are lots of little accessories for many outdoor activities that get used quickly--sunscreen, bug spray, camp stove fuel, bicycle inner tubes, flashlight batteries. You'll need to be sure you get the right sizes and specifications. For example, inner tubes must be not only the right diameter and width, but the right valve shape too. If you're unsure of the specifics and don't want to ask, a gift card to a store that sells the right items, like REI, works well.
Indoor activities can be good ideas, too. Pair a jar of dry ingredients for cookies with some fun cookie cutter shapes, for example. Get plain ceramic cups or plates and food- and oven-safe paint so everyone can decorate them. Give a set of stepping stone kits for everyone to make one. A board game for family game night is fun, too.
Even a gift card to the family's favorite restaurant works well. My kids are always thrilled to know they can get dinner at Spaghetti Factory, and we parents are happy that it's paid for and that the portions are generous enough that it will be dinner the next night, too.
MEMORIES
A family photo album or collage is a nice way to preserve memories. Depending on what you have access to and what the family likes, you can put one together yourself or provide the supplies to do so. For example, a friend of mine likes going camping with her family and to put up pictures of the family, so I've given her a few collage frames that she's since filled with camping pictures.
You can do a lot with family pictures: portraits, mugs, calendars, stationery (one of my aunts prints custom postage stamps from her pictures), home decor, even puzzles. There are many services online and in brick and mortar stores that will help you print gifts.
Another idea is collecting stories or recipes or other such memories from the extended family. I gave my older brother's family an album filled with family recipes, from my side and from my sister-in-law's side (her mom helped). I also sewed matching placemats for the family and got some fun kitchen accessories that I knew my niece and nephews would have fun playing with.
If the family is facing a situation where someone is terminally ill, offer to do some housework or set up a meal train of dinners so they have more time to make memories. When a family member has passed away, do something with the memories you have: write a letter, make a relevant donation, paint or print a picture. If appropriate, offer to use items from the deceased in a way that shares memories, like a quilt or stuffed toy made from the person's clothes or decorative pieces and ornaments made from jewelry.
A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE
If you think a single item won't work for the whole family, you can still make several smaller gifts fit the same thing. You can get each person a specific Christmas ornament or book tailored to individual tastes, or make pillowcases or other items in each person's favorite color or motif. Just don't let your desire for it to be a family gift end up leaving a person out--it wouldn't be fun to feel like the black sheep when the gift gets opened. A well-thought-out family gift, however, will give the family something to enjoy together.
MOVIE NIGHT
You have several options here. For going out, you can give gift cards to movie theaters (or to a play, if the family's children can sit through one) that will cover tickets and snacks or to a drive-in plus some popcorn. You can give a subscription to an online streaming service or a gift card to a rental company like Redbox with movie snacks. If you know what sort of movies the family likes and doesn't yet have, give the treats with the movie itself. Depending on your budget, you could even give some blankets or pillows to sit under or on while watching a movie at home.
For a fun presentation, you can pick up a popcorn tub at a dollar store to wrap the gift in.
If the family lives near a zoo, science center, aquarium, museum, or other such place, you can give a family membership. They're usually good for one year. If that's too much, you can often also find day passes. A place like the YMCA is also great for a membership; it has classes for everyone whether taken individually or together and childcare for when the parents need a break during their own workouts.
There might be a class the family would enjoy taking together, maybe an art or cooking class. A family who enjoys going to the library or farmer's market together could use a tote bag that you buy, sew, knit, crochet, or embroider. Think or ask about what the family likes to do together to get started brainstorming.
There are also play areas specifically geared toward kids. If you know the family likes being able to take their kids places like this, a pass card or membership will be very appreciated. Many indoor play areas require socks--if you knit, handmade socks can be a nice conveyance gift to go along with it.
For families who like outdoor activities, you can give items for a picnic (maybe include a handmade picnic blanket and napkins or homemade trail mix) or a hike. There are lots of little accessories for many outdoor activities that get used quickly--sunscreen, bug spray, camp stove fuel, bicycle inner tubes, flashlight batteries. You'll need to be sure you get the right sizes and specifications. For example, inner tubes must be not only the right diameter and width, but the right valve shape too. If you're unsure of the specifics and don't want to ask, a gift card to a store that sells the right items, like REI, works well.
Indoor activities can be good ideas, too. Pair a jar of dry ingredients for cookies with some fun cookie cutter shapes, for example. Get plain ceramic cups or plates and food- and oven-safe paint so everyone can decorate them. Give a set of stepping stone kits for everyone to make one. A board game for family game night is fun, too.
Even a gift card to the family's favorite restaurant works well. My kids are always thrilled to know they can get dinner at Spaghetti Factory, and we parents are happy that it's paid for and that the portions are generous enough that it will be dinner the next night, too.
MEMORIES
A family photo album or collage is a nice way to preserve memories. Depending on what you have access to and what the family likes, you can put one together yourself or provide the supplies to do so. For example, a friend of mine likes going camping with her family and to put up pictures of the family, so I've given her a few collage frames that she's since filled with camping pictures.
You can do a lot with family pictures: portraits, mugs, calendars, stationery (one of my aunts prints custom postage stamps from her pictures), home decor, even puzzles. There are many services online and in brick and mortar stores that will help you print gifts.
Another idea is collecting stories or recipes or other such memories from the extended family. I gave my older brother's family an album filled with family recipes, from my side and from my sister-in-law's side (her mom helped). I also sewed matching placemats for the family and got some fun kitchen accessories that I knew my niece and nephews would have fun playing with.
If the family is facing a situation where someone is terminally ill, offer to do some housework or set up a meal train of dinners so they have more time to make memories. When a family member has passed away, do something with the memories you have: write a letter, make a relevant donation, paint or print a picture. If appropriate, offer to use items from the deceased in a way that shares memories, like a quilt or stuffed toy made from the person's clothes or decorative pieces and ornaments made from jewelry.
A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE
If you think a single item won't work for the whole family, you can still make several smaller gifts fit the same thing. You can get each person a specific Christmas ornament or book tailored to individual tastes, or make pillowcases or other items in each person's favorite color or motif. Just don't let your desire for it to be a family gift end up leaving a person out--it wouldn't be fun to feel like the black sheep when the gift gets opened. A well-thought-out family gift, however, will give the family something to enjoy together.
Sunday, March 1, 2020
Gifts that Miss the Mark
Unfortunately, not every gift is going to be the right one, no matter how hard you try. Some tips to lessen the chances:
THE RECIPIENT CAN'T USE IT
-Food or drinks that your recipient is allergic to, can't have due to health or religious or ethical reasons.
-Tickets to events or places the recipient can't get to.
-Experiences requiring mobility or health the recipient doesn't have.
-Items meant to be outside for people who don't have yards.
-Gifts in other languages that your recipient doesn't understand.
-Re-gifted items embroidered or otherwise marked with someone else's name, wedding date, etc.
OBLIGATIONS
-Gifts that require time, like concert tickets if you're not sure the recipient wants to go.
-Craft items the recipient can't or doesn't want to use.
-Items meant to be worn or displayed that you insist on seeing used--you have to be okay with the idea that your recipient might use things differently or pass them along to someone who would enjoy it.
-Precious heirlooms that are special to you but not the recipient. There may be someone else in the family who would like it more.
-Animals, and to a lesser extent, plants.
IT'S INNAPROPRIATE
-Gifts meant for someone younger or older than the recipient, like baby toys for a ten-year-old.
-Clothing in the wrong size or wrong style.
-Super expensive gifts that make the recipient feel awkward receiving or obligated to make up to you.
-Obviously cheap presents that leave the recipient feeling like an afterthought. Note that I don't mean you have to spend a lot, but if I only had five dollars to spend for my dad's birthday, I know he'd be happier with some candy bars than a tacky bumper sticker. If I had no spare cash, a phone call would be much better than some worn-out thing I could dig up from the closet.
-Gifts that you yourself would prefer instead of ones that show you took your recipient's taste into account. Doubly so if you live with the recipient so you end up using it instead.
-Donations to a cause the recipient doesn't support.
A JOKE THAT FALLS FLAT
-Not realizing the gift exchange is meant to be nice gifts instead of gag gifts (this is more on the host of the gift exchange, but always clarify if the theme isn't mentioned).
-Clothing or home decor with sayings that are funny to you but too risque or bland for the recipient.
GIFTS WITH ULTERIOR MOTIVES
-Books or other items meant to "hint" at the recipient's perceived failings, like etiquette books or weight-loss items.
-Many self-help gifts if given out of the blue. Even if your marriage has benefited from counseling or affair prevention books, don't give such things to newlyweds unless they're requested. Offering advice is one thing, assuming everyone has the same stumbling blocks you do is different.
-Basic cleaning products, in most cases. A fancy bar of soap is luxurious, a plain bar of soap by itself is insulting. A new mop, broom, and floor cleaner are nice for someone moving into a first apartment, the same to someone who already has those is a not-so-subtle dig at the state of one's home.
TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING
-I used to make beaded bells for my grandmother, at her request. One year, she slipped the two I made that Christmas into a display case and declared, "There, now it's full and looks perfect." She didn't need any more, and found a nice way to tell me.
-Loads of food that has to be eaten right away and can't be frozen for later.
-Knick knacks, jewelry, hobby accessories, decorations, and other non-consumables that your recipient already has a lot of.
WHAT HAPPENS WITH THE GIFT?
Whether you give or receive a gift you can't use, there's no real obligation to keep it. Thank you notes should be sent (depending on circumstances, emailed or texted thanks can be appropriate) acknowledging the thought put into the gift. For gifts intended to be an insult...feel free to be sarcastic in thanking or fake obtuseness regarding the gift.
Food can be donated to food banks or places like fire stations and most other things can be donated or sold. If the gift was bought and you know where, see if you can return it for cash or store credit. Depending on the relationship between the gift giver and the recipient, it's possible to gently point out why the gift won't work and give it back or suggest someone who might appreciate it more.
Some people say you should never re-gift, but I think it's fine with certain precautions. Be sure the gift isn't personalized to you, with your initials or birth date or something similar. Re-gift to someone in a different social circle so whoever gave it to you first doesn't see someone else being given it. Make sure it's still appropriate for whoever you re-gift it too.
You want your gifts to be enjoyed, so make sure they're gifts, not edicts.
THE RECIPIENT CAN'T USE IT
-Food or drinks that your recipient is allergic to, can't have due to health or religious or ethical reasons.
-Tickets to events or places the recipient can't get to.
-Experiences requiring mobility or health the recipient doesn't have.
-Items meant to be outside for people who don't have yards.
-Gifts in other languages that your recipient doesn't understand.
-Re-gifted items embroidered or otherwise marked with someone else's name, wedding date, etc.
OBLIGATIONS
-Gifts that require time, like concert tickets if you're not sure the recipient wants to go.
-Craft items the recipient can't or doesn't want to use.
-Items meant to be worn or displayed that you insist on seeing used--you have to be okay with the idea that your recipient might use things differently or pass them along to someone who would enjoy it.
-Precious heirlooms that are special to you but not the recipient. There may be someone else in the family who would like it more.
-Animals, and to a lesser extent, plants.
IT'S INNAPROPRIATE
-Gifts meant for someone younger or older than the recipient, like baby toys for a ten-year-old.
-Clothing in the wrong size or wrong style.
-Super expensive gifts that make the recipient feel awkward receiving or obligated to make up to you.
-Obviously cheap presents that leave the recipient feeling like an afterthought. Note that I don't mean you have to spend a lot, but if I only had five dollars to spend for my dad's birthday, I know he'd be happier with some candy bars than a tacky bumper sticker. If I had no spare cash, a phone call would be much better than some worn-out thing I could dig up from the closet.
-Gifts that you yourself would prefer instead of ones that show you took your recipient's taste into account. Doubly so if you live with the recipient so you end up using it instead.
-Donations to a cause the recipient doesn't support.
A JOKE THAT FALLS FLAT
-Not realizing the gift exchange is meant to be nice gifts instead of gag gifts (this is more on the host of the gift exchange, but always clarify if the theme isn't mentioned).
-Clothing or home decor with sayings that are funny to you but too risque or bland for the recipient.
GIFTS WITH ULTERIOR MOTIVES
-Books or other items meant to "hint" at the recipient's perceived failings, like etiquette books or weight-loss items.
-Many self-help gifts if given out of the blue. Even if your marriage has benefited from counseling or affair prevention books, don't give such things to newlyweds unless they're requested. Offering advice is one thing, assuming everyone has the same stumbling blocks you do is different.
-Basic cleaning products, in most cases. A fancy bar of soap is luxurious, a plain bar of soap by itself is insulting. A new mop, broom, and floor cleaner are nice for someone moving into a first apartment, the same to someone who already has those is a not-so-subtle dig at the state of one's home.
TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING
-I used to make beaded bells for my grandmother, at her request. One year, she slipped the two I made that Christmas into a display case and declared, "There, now it's full and looks perfect." She didn't need any more, and found a nice way to tell me.
-Loads of food that has to be eaten right away and can't be frozen for later.
-Knick knacks, jewelry, hobby accessories, decorations, and other non-consumables that your recipient already has a lot of.
WHAT HAPPENS WITH THE GIFT?
Whether you give or receive a gift you can't use, there's no real obligation to keep it. Thank you notes should be sent (depending on circumstances, emailed or texted thanks can be appropriate) acknowledging the thought put into the gift. For gifts intended to be an insult...feel free to be sarcastic in thanking or fake obtuseness regarding the gift.
Food can be donated to food banks or places like fire stations and most other things can be donated or sold. If the gift was bought and you know where, see if you can return it for cash or store credit. Depending on the relationship between the gift giver and the recipient, it's possible to gently point out why the gift won't work and give it back or suggest someone who might appreciate it more.
Some people say you should never re-gift, but I think it's fine with certain precautions. Be sure the gift isn't personalized to you, with your initials or birth date or something similar. Re-gift to someone in a different social circle so whoever gave it to you first doesn't see someone else being given it. Make sure it's still appropriate for whoever you re-gift it too.
You want your gifts to be enjoyed, so make sure they're gifts, not edicts.
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