Disposing of Leftover Supplies

 There will always be some sort of clean up involved in making gifts. Whether it's tossing the wrapping a craft kit came in, straightening up the kitchen after baking, or figuring out what to do with the rest of the yarn, there will be something. What can you do with the leftovers?

REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE

Having less mess in the first place is a good start. When possible, look for supplies with less packaging material. Make a half-recipe instead of a whole if it will make too much. Buy a smaller skein of yarn or a smaller cut of fabric (but do make sure you have enough to finish the project!). The twelve-pack of paint might be cheaper per tube than the six-pack, but if you're not going to use the other colors, you haven't really saved money. 

But you will usually have something left over. Maybe you made a birthday cake that only called for egg whites--but you can add the yolks to your breakfast eggs, or freeze them to use in future recipes. Lots of food leftovers like this can be frozen: diced vegetables for soups or roasts, berries for pies, cookies that are already baked or the dough itself until you're ready to bake it. Small amount of yarn left over from a bigger project are great for making smaller ones like hats, gloves, and scarves. They can also be combined to make something larger, like a multi-colored blanket. 

A variety of hats made from remnants of larger products

The random and varied colors make beautiful stripes.

The same goes for fabric scraps. I keep my partially-used fabric in a basket, using bits at a time for things like purse pockets or strip-quilted pot holders until there's just a bit left. Then I either cut it down into a charm square or into a strip three inches wide and add it to my coil of strips...

My current collection

...And the charm squares can be used for various projects, while the strip coil eventually becomes a jelly roll quilt.

I almost have enough for a second quilt!

A block of wood you used half of can probably be used again. A used piece of embroidery stabilizer can be torn in half, flipped around, and sewn together to make a big enough piece for a second embroidery piece. When you finish a project, take a look at the pieces left over. Can they be used again--and how annoying will it be to store them? If there are good useable pieces but you don't want to store them, you might be able to donate them--more on that in a moment. 

And when you do get down to just scraps, it's time to dispose of them. Some can be recycled in curbside recycling, like paper, plastic, and metal items. Check with your waste disposal because there might be restrictions about the specific types of material. For example, shiny papers might not be accepted. Flimsier plastic like the kind plastic bags are made from shouldn't go in most curbside recycling, but grocery stores often have collection bins for it. Fabric, yarn, and similar items can be bagged, labeled as "scraps," and given to Goodwill and other places to be sold to fabric recyclers.

There, it will be shredded for use as rags or furniture stuffing.

Or you can make your own stuffing.

Leftover pieces of wood from woodcrafting that are too small to be used can be used for kindling or might be suitable for yard waste, provided the wood is free of dangerous chemicals. Yard waste or composting is also excellent for food scraps like egg shells, used coffee grounds (they attract worms and repel slugs and snails), and food-soiled paper like the paper towel you used to smear butter on the side of a baking dish. Check with your local waste management as the rules vary.

DONATE

Maybe you have half a yard of fabric, a stack of craft paper, a few spools of ribbon, or a large jar of beads left after a project, maybe you were given craft supplies that aren't useful to you, or maybe you just changed your mind about pursuing a particular craft. Either way, you find yourself with supplies you don't have a use for and don't want gathering dust. You can donate those. Lots of secondhand stores take craft supplies, and so do crafting guilds. For example, a crochet guild near me takes donated yarn to make items for charity. Schools, especially for younger grades, often like art supplies; as do daycares, Sunday schools, after-school clubs, summer camps, and Scout groups. Some will even be willing to come to you to pick up the items. Groups like BuyNothing are a great way to offload your wares: you can list what you want to give away and people will come pick it up from your door.

If you don't want to donate the raw materials, you can make items to donate. My knitting guild donates cold-weather items to various groups every December, often made from yarn that was donated to us. Some guilds will work together on a big project like a giant quilt, and raffle it off for a charity event. I like to knit, but I already have blankets, and don't really like to use hats or scarves, but I can knit things to give others. I've also made toys for my church's Angel Tree--groups like are a good place to donate decorative or useful handmade items, for that extra special touch to a gift for someone in need. 

One surprising place that often accepts handmade gifts is food banks. Not all will, but many like to have items for their clients to "shop" from so their clients can give birthday or holiday gifts. Along the same lines, some food banks are able to accept homemade and homegrown food. Always check before you bring the food, because the rules vary.

...OR SELL

There's nothing wrong with making some money. If you have a large amount of craft supplies and want to see if they'll fetch a nice price online or at a yard sale, go for it. I find that eBay, Facebook Marketplace, and Craigslist have about equal success for selling craft supplies. I give any item I list a time limit of a month or two, and if it hasn't sold in that time, I donate it. I personally wouldn't do a yard sale just for craft supplies, but if I happened to be about to have a yard sale, I'd check my supply stash to see if I wanted to try to get rid of some of it. 

My knitting guild has a fun strategy: anyone who wants to can bring leftover craft supplies to show, and anyone who wants to buy it pays what she feels is a fair price, and the money goes to our charity fund. We've been able to give quite a bit local charities this way.

MAKE SOMETHING DIFFERENT

Very small bits of craft material can be made into something completely different. A bit of yarn or strip of fabric makes a nice string to wrap a present. Scraps from various types of projects, especially if they're in fun colors, look nice in a vase, jar, or ornament. The last bit of paper from making cards could be used for origami, or to make a gift tag. 

Don't keep leftovers forever and certainly don't horde them. Just give them a bit of thought before you get rid of them. Some things will be destined for the landfill, but more than you might expect can be used for something else, or recycled.

Sending Gifts Near and Far

 It's nearly the holiday season in 2020. I don't know about you, but I'm not going to be able to have my usual Christmas Eve party with my extended family this year, which means I need to figure out a way to still distribute the presents I want to give. Every year there are a few cousins I don't see in person, but this year none of us will be gathering together. So...how do you make sure someone gets a present when you can't get together?

DROP-OFFS

There might be a variety of reasons beyond a pandemic that prevents you from conducting a normal visit or family event. If you live close, you can still arrange a time to drop off a gift. I'm already plotting out a map for a day's drive around my area dropping off Christmas cookies to my extended family. 

Things to consider when dropping off a gift: will your recipient be home at the time, and is a visit expected? Can you safely leave the gift--does it risk be stolen or ruined by the elements (e.g.; a plant that could freeze)? If your recipient lives in a gated community or apartment building with secure access, will you be able to get in? Is there parking nearby, or adequate mass transit to get you there and back? Do you need to plan for tolls, parking fees, or bus tickets? Does it make more sense to drop off a gift at your recipient's work or another location instead of the home? And finally, a fun one: is there something interesting you can do nearby? My last stop for delivering Christmas cookies this year is near a zoo!

MAILING OPTIONS

I prefer to mail packages through the post office--I find their services the most cost-effective and reliable. Other people prefer UPS, Fedex, or another shipping company. Regardless of how you send a gift, you need to remember a few things. 

First, what are the delivery estimates? Every late November or early December, USPS posts a list of dates which are the last days to send packages for guaranteed delivery by December 25, based on factors like whether the package is going overseas or whether you choose expedited shipping. For packages staying in the same country, I like to send at least a week beforehand, but you can find overnight shipping services with all the package delivery companies--it'll just cost a lot more. If you're sending to another country, especially one in another hemisphere, you'll need to allow more time for things to get to their destinations.

Second, will the present survive the trip? Delicate items need to be packed carefully, with bubble wrap or newspaper or something similar to cushion them on their journeys. Perishable items need to get where they're going before they spoil--some shipping companies allow a few pounds of dry ice in shipments; check their websites for specifics. And make sure you've properly sealed the shipping box! It would be awful if the box popped open during transit.

Third, are the shipping charges within your budget? Planning ahead is helpful here. As long as the gift isn't something that will spoil for a while, if you have it ready several days before you want your recipient to get it, you can send it the slowest (that is, the cheapest) option. If you don't want a surprise amount when it comes time to pay, then flat rate boxes are your friends--and often cheaper than sending the same item priced by weight. Shipping companies offer various insurance plans, too; consider if you want those when mailing. Some are included automatically, some are extra. Either way, keep your receipt and tracking number until you know the gift has arrived safely.

Fourth, is it allowed? Some areas don't allow certain items in the mail. Alcohol is the go-to example; you can't mail it to specific states or countries. When sending agricultural items like home-grown fruits and vegetables or seeds (homegrown or storebought), you'll need to check if there are restrictions meant to curb invasive species and pests. Restrictions like this are more commonly an issue when sending packages from one country to another, but they can also exist within the same country, especially if the country covers a wide geographical area.

And finally, make sure you've written the address clearly. If you're concerned about your handwriting, you can type the address, print it out, and tape that paper to the package; or ask someone with neater handwriting to write it for you (also good if you want it to be a surprise and don't want your recipient to recognize your handwriting). If you're worried about the address getting smeared or otherwise rendered illegible, you can also put a slip of paper inside the box with the address. If the shipping company ends up having to open the package to look for clues of where it goes, your paper will be right there to help the gift get back on track.

COMBINED AND COORDINATED EFFORTS

My brother and I live two thousand miles apart, not exactly an easy drive. But my sister-in-law came up with a convenient way to save on shipping costs: buy online, pick up in store. If they want to get us something, they find it at a business that has an online store, pay for online, and arrange for pick up at the location near me, specifying my name as the pick up person. Then I just go to the pick up desk and collect it. Super easy! In another instance, I moved out of state, and as a going-away present was given a zoo membership in the new state. The family who gave it to me bought it through the zoo's website and printed out the proof of purchase, which I took with me to the zoo on my first visit, and then was given a membership card.

The business doesn't necessarily have to be huge for this to work. Once, my brother wanted to get our dad a gift card to his favorite restaurant, which only has one location run by a husband and wife. I live near it, he's two thousand miles away. My brother called the restaurant, explained the situation, paid for the gift card via credit card over the phone, and I picked it up the next time I was in the area. Considering other restaurants in the past have wanted to charge shipping costs nearly equal to the gift card itself, having the local person pick it up is far more cost-effective! And with the ability to pay over the phone or online, there's no need to remember to pay anyone back. If you're not sure whether paying over the phone or online is an option, call the business and ask. You'd be surprised how much can be done remotely--my best friend was able to pay the adoption fee for a kitten in an animal shelter across the country over the phone, and her friend picked up the cat that day.

You can also coordinate within the same area. In a few weeks when I deliver Christmas cookies, my first stop is a cousin's house. There, I will leave cookies not only for him and his family, but also his dad and his sister, who both live quite a ways away in opposite directions. Going to both their houses would add three to four hours to my day! But he'll see them at Christmas, so he's happy to hang on to those presents for them. In return, I'm going to collect Christmas cookies he and his family have made, and deliver both sets to the rest of my stops that day. And that third family member who lives too far away to pack in to the drive? Both sets of Christmas cookies will fill out a flat rate box easily; they'll get mailed together.

DIRECT FROM THE SOURCE

If you find the perfect gift in a storefront and plan to give it to someone who lives hundreds or thousands of miles away, why not simply have it sent directly from the store to your recipient? It's going to be mailed anyway, so why mail it twice? You can usually specify that you don't want an invoice sent (seeing how much you spent can make recipients feel uncomfortable) and sometimes pay a bit extra for gift wrapping, too. Just be sure to warn your recipient that a package is arriving! 

This is especially a great option for gift recipients in other countries. It can take a while for a package to cross oceans and continents. If you're looking for a gift for someone far away, check local businesses to see if you can shorten the shipping time by purchasing from a store the next town over instead of half a world away.

A word of caution when ordering online: make sure you're purchasing from a legitimate and trusted website, and that your financial information is secure. A product might be an unusually low price on a website you've never heard of because it's being sold on a scam website, or isn't as advertised (e.g.; maybe it's a doll-size dress instead of an adult-sized one). Check your credit card, bank, Paypal, or similar statements for unauthorized use often, and report any instances of fraud. 

Whatever your plans this holiday season, have fun and stay safe! Here's hoping that this time next year will be far less stressful.

Gifts on a Budget: Things to Keep on Hand

Giving presents doesn't need to break the bank. Planning ahead lets you take advantage of sales, lower shipping prices, and is less stressful overall. Keeping some gift-related items around will help you be ready faster. Here are some ideas to get you started.

GREETING CARD SUPPLIES

Having ready access to rubber stamps, paint, markers, cardstock (or any paper) makes it easy to whip together a greeting card in minutes. They don't have to be fancy as long as they're from the heart.

It took longer to clean the stamps than to make the card.

And nothing says they need to be handmade. The most expensive of these cards were bought in a pack of six at a dollar store. Some are from thrift stores, some were sent by various organizations encouraging me to donate to their causes, and some are just the front half of cards I've received, with the personalized part torn off. I keep them with my postage stamps, ready for any time I want to drop someone a line, from condolences to congratulations. 

Most of the front halves are just the right size for postcards.

QUICK HOMEMADE GIFTS

What can you make quickly and easily? For me, it's baked goods. Knitting and sewing I can do too, but they take longer and require more concentration. So I make sure to keep baking staples on hand, and pounce on fun extras I see on sale.

Seasonally-colored icing and sprinkles go on sale after holidays and keep well,
and things like cookie cutters and other baking forms are abundant at secondhand stores.

Because I already have the supplies, it's not hard to make a quick batch of treats for a gift.

Some sprinkles, icing, or chocolate chips can quickly turn plain cookies into
 a festive Valentine plate, a Pokemon ball, a favorite animal, or a Minecraft piece.

They also add a nice touch to treats for celebrations like the end of Ramadan,
ready to mail when you can't celebrate in person during state-wide quarantines,.

What can you have on-hand? Do you have a flower patch that you can use for bouquets? Do you like to embroider or silk-screen, and can you keep some plain dish towels or shirts by the machine for quick designs? Do you like to make jewelry, and can you store beads or other supplies you see on good sales? Is there space in your freezer to store an extra casserole that you can either enjoy in a few weeks or give as a gift?

STOREBOUGHT (OR FREE) SAVINGS

If you see something useful on sale, especially clearance, and you have the funds, grab it. Even better for a budget, check groups like BuyNothing, where people give away things they no longer need for free. If you can hang on to a selection of things, you're ready for last-minute baby presents, birthdays, and lots more.

Especially nice when your kids get invited to things at the last minute,
hence my desire to store child-appropriate gifts

And for wrapping the gifts? You can often get away with free. Save gift bags and tissue, or scope out free sources like BuyNothing. Have a place to keep them, and you'll never to need to buy them.

There's also the old standby of newspaper as gift wrap
(mailed ads on newsprint are easier to come by nowadays),
or you can use children's coloring pages.

Don't go overboard: you don't need to be a hoarder. I don't keep more things than can fit in their designated spaces, and I don't let them overflow. And don't buy what you weren't already planning to: spending a ton of money, especially if your budget is tight, on paints is useless if you don't paint. But if you do have a bit of extra space in your home and your budget, it's really nice to take advantage of sales so you can be prepared.

Planning for the Future...Way in the Future

Nostalgia is powerfully evocative. If you can, you might want to consider hanging on to some things for the future. For example...

GET IT BEFORE YOU FORGET IT

If you get a brilliant idea for a perfect gift, get it sooner rather than later. At least write it down so you won't forget. I've had a Christmas present waiting since the end of December 2019, because I had the opportunity to get it then and didn't want to miss it. I also have a book that I'll pair with a knit baby blanket when a particular friend has a baby--it's a story about a present being broken on the way to a party, the same way the gift I gave my friend for her wedding shower broke.

Plus, the gift that broke--a tea set from her registry--was an inside joke from our childhood

In the past, I've also saved things I found at secondhand stores, waiting for the right time. Once I found a book about a duck family and put it away for when my brother had his first child (like my friend, I knew he wanted a family). He almost got a little teary when I gave it to him and his wife after they announced a baby was on the way--six years after I found the book.


PLAN AHEAD

Some gifts might take a while. Making vanilla extract only takes two ingredients, but requires months to be ready to use. When I grew a cutting of my great-grandparents' houseplant that I inherited for my grandfather (their son) as a birthday present, I needed to start growing it several weeks in advance. Last Christmas, I gave some of my family pumpkin and watermelon seeds from my garden. That meant that when I harvested the plants, I had to remember to set aside the seeds, let them dry, and package them to last until the following spring. I lost them twice in that time! Fortunately I found them again both times, but I should have learned the lesson the first time. I plan to do the same with flower seeds in the future, and I have a better system now!

Be on the lookout for things that can be used for gifts. Bits of wedding invitations can become custom Christmas ornaments. When I knitted dishcloths for party favors at baby showers for my nieces and nephews, I saved a few to give them for housewarming presents when they're adults.

Labeled, just in case

Think of things to mark the passage of time for anniversaries or birthdays, like things made in specific years.

This proof set is from the year I got married--I already gave my husband the penny on our first anniversary, the nickel on our fifth, and the dime on our tenth. The quarters will wait for our twenty-fifth, but I'll likely not wait for a fiftieth anniversary for the half dollar, and definitely not for a hundredth anniversary for the dollar!

You might also have access to some special memorabilia, like clothing or jewelry that belonged to a deceased loved one. Personal effects can be given as is or made into keepsakes, like a throw pillow made from fabric cut from a favorite shirt or earrings made into suncatchers.

I made these throw pillows from fabric a friend's late mother had saved:
one for my friend, one for each of her grandchildren

Plus a few bookmarks and a Christmas ornament from the last few

These medals belonged to my late aunt. I've kept them safe, and have been passing them along when my siblings and cousins have children, so her great-nieces and -nephews have something of hers

SCHEDULE IT

If you want to mark a particular occasion, leave yourself reminders. Paper or electronic calendars are good options, and some email services let you schedule emails for later. As in the picture of the dishcloths, I label gifts that I'm saving. Aside from the possibility I might forget why I'm saving something, there's a chance I'll need to trust someone else to take care of it for me after I'm gone.

Reminders are also good for gifts that require several steps. My parents have three kids; when the last of us was about to get married, I had an idea to get pictures of us siblings together at each of our weddings and put them in a nice frame for a Christmas present. I had gotten married eleven years before and my wedding pictures were taken on film, and unusually sized film at that--plus since I hadn't been planning this already, I needed to zoom in on one of the pictures to crop just us. I ended up having to track down a specialty photo place and wait a few weeks for them to get the pictures developed, and they were also able to make other prints for Mother's Day (Mom with each of us at our weddings), Father's Day (Dad with each of us), and the following Christmas (Mom and Dad at each wedding and at theirs, since that Christmas was shortly before a milestone wedding anniversary. It would have been easier if I'd thought to get those poses at the time, instead of hoping there was something salvageable more than a decade later!

SAVE IT

What do you with a gift while you hold on to it for months or years? You need a dedicated spot to keep it, so it won't get lost. My sister-in-law has a shelf in her closet, I keep two boxes under my bed--whatever works for you. Just be sure it's safe!

Christmas on the left, everything else on the right

Gift Espionage: Making Sure it's Perfect

You have an idea for a great gift, but you need some information from the recipient. How can you find out without giving away your surprise?

GET PEOPLE TALKING

Most people talk about themselves easily. Want to be sure the socks you knit will be the right size? When I wanted to knit a pair for a co-worker, I complimented her shoes by saying, "Those look so cool! Do you know if they come in size 10s [my size]?" Just as I'd hoped, she responded, "I don't know...these are 7s." She told me where she bought them so I could find out, but I'd already found out what I wanted: her shoe size.

Most people also like to give advice. Be subtle. Recently, I wanted to buy my husband a dashcam. He'd mentioned wanting one, but I knew he'd want certain specifications. So I asked my brother to pretend he was in the market for a dashcam and ask my husband which one was best. My brother reported back to me, and I knew what kind to get.

Look for openings to ask leading questions, but try to not be too obvious. You don't want to make your recipient feel uncomfortable.

ENLIST HELP

You can often get in touch with a person's parents, siblings, or roommates to find out clothing and shoe sizes, and whether they already have the latest book in a series or a subscription to a particular service. This is also a great way to check for allergies, intolerances, and other reasons that your idea won't fit as well as you thought. 

Do be sure to specify that you're looking for gift ideas--maybe the person helping you will think your idea is perfect and get a duplicate!

CHECK ONLINE

Does your recipient have an online presence? Check out Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and other profiles to glean information on favorite colors, books, movies, brands, foods, and styles. Some people even belong to online gift exchange groups, and keep up a list of ideas for them.

MAYBE...SKIP THE SURPRISE

If you really need to know specific information and can't find out through other channels, you'll need to either get a different gift or go directly to the source. It's not a GOOD surprise if the gift ends up something the recipient can't use.

For my dad's last birthday, one of my brothers suggested a ladder. Dad had seen my brother's and commented that he should replace his with the same kind...just as he said to my other brother, and to me, when saw each of our ladders--newer and more versatile than his. I first called our mom to confirm that Dad hadn't already bought himself a ladder in the past few months. He hadn't, so we agreed  ladder was the way to go. Then my other brother found a fantastic sale; the ladder was discounted from $170 to $95. But it was a foot shorter than the model my brothers and I have... I put in another call to Mom, but she wasn't sure the height of Dad's current ladder or how tall he needed it to be. The sale only lasted another day, so my brothers and I decided that since we couldn't really wrap a ladder anyway, we'd just tell him what we were getting him and make sure we got the right size. It would do no good to save money on a ladder that he couldn't use. The shorter ladder DID turn out to be tall enough for what he needed, and we were able to take advantage of the sale (and the free delivery), and most importantly, Dad was happy with his gift: something he needed and wanted, but couldn't justify getting for himself.

Buying Gifts Online: Tips and Resources

The internet is a great resource for obscure items. With so many website selling handmade or secondhand items, it's easier than ever to find just the right gift. Here are some ways to make it easier:

TIMING

Almost anything ordered online will need to be mailed to you or the recipient, with the exception of things like gift cards, email greeting cards, and intangible items you can print or email proof of. Any number of things can delay shipping, especially if you order from another country. Order with plenty of time to spare and you'll not only give yourself a generous cushion for the unexpected, you'll avoid premium fees for expedited shipping. It also gives you time to be sure the gift isn't damaged, especially if it's secondhand (for example, you'll be able to watch a used DVD to be sure it plays correctly).

For bigger items, order when you'll be home during the delivery window. You don't want a big package sitting outside your door when you're on vacation, so unless someone is collecting or holding your mail for you, be careful of when the gift will arrive.

If you're having the gift sent directly to the recipient, consider whether you want options like gift wrapping or having the price hidden. Not every service will offer this. Make sure the recipient isn't heading out of town when the gift will be delivered.

SAVING MONEY

There are a number of websites that help you save money when ordering online. For discount codes and coupons, check sites like RetailMeNot or NaughtyCodes. Both let you enter the name of the site you're ordering from to check what current deals and coupons are available. You can also often get a discount for your first order from an online store if you create an account or sign up for a newsletter. Deals vary from a free item to a percentage off your first purchase.

There are also browser extensions you can use that automatically look for discount codes when you're shopping online. My two favorite are Honey and Wikibuy. Both show me options for deals when I'm on the checkout page of an online store, and both also store small amounts of points from purchases that I can redeem for gift cards.

You can also track the prices of specific items to see when the lowest prices and buy when the price drops to what you'd prefer to pay. Wikibuy does this, as well as Keepa and CamelCamelCamel, the latter two specifically for Amazon products.

CAVEAT EMPTOR

Be wary of deals that seem too good to be true. If an item is being sold for a fraction of its usual price, especially from a far away country or secondhand, it might not be what you're looking for or it might be broken. If the seller says up front the item will take longer to arrive than the charge dispute window for how you're paying, be careful. For example, you have 180 days to charge a dispute on Paypal. Six months should be plenty of time to get even a custom handmade item, so something that will take longer than that to arrive is a huge red flag.

Make sure you're really getting what you think you are. Read the product description. Are you getting a finished blanket, or the instructions for making one yourself? Is it a full-length mirror, or a handheld one? The book you wanted, or the movie adapted from the book? The soundtrack to that movie? (Fortunately, when that happened to me, it was just something I'd put on hold at the library)

If you're boycotting a particular company or product, you can do some internet research to be sure your gift won't accidentally support something you or the recipient detest. Buycott is a great website to check potential purchases. You can also use it to check items you might want to buy in person.

The internet is vast and you can find the perfect unique gift on it. Just be sure it will arrive on time, intact, for the best price, and that it's something you'll be happy giving.

Gifts that Miss the Mark

Unfortunately, not every gift is going to be the right one, no matter how hard you try. Some tips to lessen the chances:

THE RECIPIENT CAN'T USE IT

-Food or drinks that your recipient is allergic to, can't have due to health or religious or ethical reasons.

-Tickets to events or places the recipient can't get to.

-Experiences requiring mobility or health the recipient doesn't have.

-Items meant to be outside for people who don't have yards.

-Gifts in other languages that your recipient doesn't understand.

-Re-gifted items embroidered or otherwise marked with someone else's name, wedding date, etc.

OBLIGATIONS

-Gifts that require time, like concert tickets if you're not sure the recipient wants to go.

-Craft items the recipient can't or doesn't want to use.

-Items meant to be worn or displayed that you insist on seeing used--you have to be okay with the idea that your recipient might use things differently or pass them along to someone who would enjoy it.

-Precious heirlooms that are special to you but not the recipient. There may be someone else in the family who would like it more.

-Animals, and to a lesser extent, plants. 

IT'S INNAPROPRIATE

-Gifts meant for someone younger or older than the recipient, like baby toys for a ten-year-old.

-Clothing in the wrong size or wrong style.

-Super expensive gifts that make the recipient feel awkward receiving or obligated to make up to you.

-Obviously cheap presents that leave the recipient feeling like an afterthought. Note that I don't mean you have to spend a lot, but if I only had five dollars to spend for my dad's birthday, I know he'd be happier with some candy bars than a tacky bumper sticker. If I had no spare cash, a phone call would be much better than some worn-out thing I could dig up from the closet.

-Gifts that you yourself would prefer instead of ones that show you took your recipient's taste into account. Doubly so if you live with the recipient so you end up using it instead.

-Donations to a cause the recipient doesn't support.

A JOKE THAT FALLS FLAT

-Not realizing the gift exchange is meant to be nice gifts instead of gag gifts (this is more on the host of the gift exchange, but always clarify if the theme isn't mentioned).

-Clothing or home decor with sayings that are funny to you but too risque or bland for the recipient.

GIFTS WITH ULTERIOR MOTIVES

-Books or other items meant to "hint" at the recipient's perceived failings, like etiquette books or weight-loss items.

-Many self-help gifts if given out of the blue. Even if your marriage has benefited from counseling or affair prevention books, don't give such things to newlyweds unless they're requested. Offering advice is one thing, assuming everyone has the same stumbling blocks you do is different.

-Basic cleaning products, in most cases. A fancy bar of soap is luxurious, a plain bar of soap by itself is insulting. A new mop, broom, and floor cleaner are nice for someone moving into a first apartment, the same to someone who already has those is a not-so-subtle dig at the state of one's home.

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING

-I used to make beaded bells for my grandmother, at her request. One year, she slipped the two I made that Christmas into a display case and declared, "There, now it's full and looks perfect." She didn't need any more, and found a nice way to tell me. 

-Loads of food that has to be eaten right away and can't be frozen for later.

-Knick knacks, jewelry, hobby accessories, decorations, and other non-consumables that your recipient already has a lot of.

WHAT HAPPENS WITH THE GIFT?

Whether you give or receive a gift you can't use, there's no real obligation to keep it. Thank you notes should be sent (depending on circumstances, emailed or texted thanks can be appropriate) acknowledging the thought put into the gift. For gifts intended to be an insult...feel free to be sarcastic in thanking or fake obtuseness regarding the gift.

Food can be donated to food banks or places like fire stations and most other things can be donated or sold. If the gift was bought and you know where, see if you can return it for cash or store credit. Depending on the relationship between the gift giver and the recipient, it's possible to gently point out why the gift won't work and give it back or suggest someone who might appreciate it more.

Some people say you should never re-gift, but I think it's fine with certain precautions. Be sure the gift isn't personalized to you, with your initials or birth date or something similar. Re-gift to someone in a different social circle so whoever gave it to you first doesn't see someone else being given it. Make sure it's still appropriate for whoever you re-gift it too.

You want your gifts to be enjoyed, so make sure they're gifts, not edicts.

Gift Traditions and Legends

There are some fun traditions and legends associated with certain gifts. Here are a few:

-Always put something in a purse or wallet, lest it always be empty (I like gift cards in small amounts).

-Never actually give a knife as a gift: tape a penny to it for the recipient to give back to you. That way, the knife was bought, and won't "sever the friendship." Some people apply this to other sharp things like scissors.

-Be wary of the curse of the "boyfriend sweater." Some people are hesitant to start a time-consuming project, like knitting a sweater, for a new significant other. The fear is the relationship will break up before you finish the project.

-Shoes are sometimes said to be another bad idea. The recipient may "walk away" from the relationship.

-Many cultures view mirrors as bad luck, for various reasons from their fragility to the risk of seven years of bad luck if the mirror breaks.

-Gifts that are thought to strengthen relationships are sturdy items: wood, especially furniture, and diamonds, as in the classic diamond engagement ring. Silver, gold, and porcelain are said to foreshadow good fortune.

-Certain numbers are good or bad luck in different cultures. Thirteen is unlucky in the Western world, but four is bad luck in China and nine in Japan. But back in China, nine is a lucky number. In much of Asia, eight is lucky; in the West, it's seven. If you're giving several of an item, keep this in mind.

-A traditional house-warming gift is bread, salt, and wine. To quote It's a Wonderful Life: "Bread, that this house may never know hunger; salt, that life may always have flavor; wine, that joy and prosperity may reign forever."

-The first gift a bride opens at a bridal shower should be the first one she uses, for good luck. Whoever gives the third gift will have a baby soon.

-For gift wrapping, certain colors have specific meanings in certain cultures. Purple is bad luck in Italy; yellow with black writing is used at funerals in some parts of Asia, and white, black, and blue are also mourning colors in most of Asia. Black and purple are mourning colors in South America.

Throwing a Baby Shower

Not everyone marks new babies with showers, but if someone close to you (it's generally frowned upon to throw your own shower) is expecting and you feel like celebrating, here are some pointers:


TIMELINE

Generally, showers I’ve hosted go like this:

First hour:
Guests arrive
Socializing/snacking
Maybe a game to break the ice or introductions if people don’t know each other (”I’m Sally, I’ve known Jane since high school.” ”I’m Mary, Jane’s aunt.”)

Second hour:
Open presents
Maybe another game (easy thing to do is set a timer during gift opening, and whoever’s present is being opened when it goes off gets a little gift; you can set it more than once)
More socializing and snacking as people gradually leave

WHO TO INVITE

Showers are traditionally events for women, although co-ed showers exist, and the guests of honor may well not include women at all. For the stereotypical female-only shower, think about inviting mothers, grandmothers, sisters/-in-law, aunts and cousins, and friends. If men are also invited, extend the list appropriately: fathers, grandfathers, etc. (Of course, not everyone has a good relationship with their families; you should exclude people who are abusive) Ask the guest of honor for a list, and suggest these to start. As to whether you should invite men as well; check with your guest of honor.

Send out the invitations about a month in advance, after clearing the date with the guest of honor (early to mid-third trimester is good; the expectant mother is likely to be more tired after that; or a month or two after the due date and make it a Meet the Baby party; especially good for adopted children). Make sure to send one to your guest of honor as well--imagine the mother-to-be not knowing when or where to show up! Of course, you will want to be keeping her in the dark for a surprise shower, but think carefully before doing that. A surprise shower means that she won't be able to remind to invite her godmother or tell you that her aunt is allergic to chocolate; she won't be prepared for being the center of attention, she might have other plans, and she won't be dressed for the occasion. If she's really hoping for a shower and never hears any plans for one, she might feel forgotten before she realizes the surprise. Some people love surprise parties, but unless you're sure, don't risk it.

GAMES

Have two to three games IF the guest of honor wants them. The best ones don't interrupt the flow of the party.

Gift bingo is good, or you can have a timer go off every three minutes or so during gift opening (the giver of the gift being opened “wins”), especially if there are a lot of gifts. 

Or give everyone a safety pin and set a rule like “no crossing your hands” or “no elbows on the table” and anyone who catches another guest “breaking” a rule gets that person’s safety pin; the guest with the most after X time wins.

Another easy game is guessing the baby food. Take labels off jars of baby food and number them, have people guess based on color--but don’t open them. Give the parent(s) the answer key so the baby can eat the food later. Most babies start food around 4-6 months.

Guests can match the names of baby animals to their parents (e.g.; baby echidnas are puggles). 

One guests can do any time is guessing how many small candies are in a baby bottle.

Unless specifically requested, stay away from melting candy bars in diapers (wastes the diaper and the candy) or guessing how big around Mom is (she probably feels big enough already). If you have the ability to follow through with a prize at a later date, you can also take bets on when the baby will be born.

Not really a game, but a fun activity, is decorating onesies. Get a few in different sizes and some fabric pens, and some magazines or hardcover books to give people a good coloring surface, if a table isn’t available. 

If you play games, have prizes for the winner, and don't forget to account for ties. Remember, neither the parents nor the host can win (although they can play). Easy prizes include soap, lotion, $5 coffee gift cards, fancy candles, a set of blank note cards (for writing letters, or for taking notes), a set of small rubber stamps, some fancy soap and lotion, some small candles, that sort of thing. If you do a guess-how-many-candies-are-in-the-bottle, the winner can get the candy (bring a bag if you want to keep the bottle).

FAVORS

Showers typically have little favors. Consumables are best (lotions, soap, candies, candles). I’ve knitted up dishcloths; those go over well. Flower seeds or seedlings are good too, especially if the baby is due in the spring: you can watch your flower grow with the baby. If the baby is due near Christmas and the attendees celebrate it, you can get one-inch diameter ornaments at places like Michaels and paint them in the nursery colors or the parents’ favorite colors.

FOOD

What sort of food? Go for brunch if it’s around 11:00 (fruit, donuts, quiches; that sort of thing) or light snacks for an afternoon party (cheese and cracker platter, cut vegetables, etc). If you don’t plan it for a meal time, you won’t have to serve a full meal. Remember that some foods and drinks are off-limits for pregnant women, like certain soft cheeses and alcohol. Have at least some things that the guest honor can enjoy.

Serve dessert while the parent(s) is(are) opening presents. Have someone keep a list of who gives what. You can get or make thank you notes or postcards, stamped and addressed (don’t have the other guests address the envelopes themselves, it will be Talked About), so that all parent(s) has(have) to do is write “Thanks for the X; Baby will love it!”

SPECIAL CONSIDERATIONS

Second, third, etc baby: Some cultures only give showers for first babies, or only the first baby of each sex. I don't see a problem with celebrating each baby myself, but I like parties. I have both thrown and been given smaller parties for subsequent babies, which we called baby sprinkles. The expectant mothers were all just as excited, but didn't need as much of the big stuff, like cribs. Gifts for sprinkles are more along the lines of things that couldn't be handed down, like disposable diapers, formula, and baby food. You can also frame it as a Meet the Baby party, with less or no focus on gifts.

Shower for a "Rainbow Baby": A Rainbow Baby is a baby born following a miscarriage, stillbirth, or other infant or child death. Be sensitive to the parents' needs when asking if they'd like a shower. Some people may prefer to wait until the baby is born, some may want their deceased child mentioned in some way--there's no wrong way to grieve a child, so follow the parents' lead.

Celebrating an older child: Many adopted children are welcomed into their families at older ages. If you're throwing a shower for a parent or parents whose child isn't a baby, make that fact clear on the invitations, for example, Toddler Shower or Teenager Shower. Gifts would necessarily be geared toward the appropriate age group.

Throwing a Wedding Shower

Not everyone marks weddings with showers, but if someone close to you (it's generally frowned upon to throw your own shower) is engaged and you feel like celebrating, here are some pointers:

TIMELINE

Generally, showers I’ve hosted go like this:

First hour:
Guests arrive
Socializing/snacking
Maybe a game to break the ice and/or introductions if people don’t know each other (If there are a lot of people who don’t know each other, get the “formal” part of the party started by having guests introduce themselves by how they know the bride. "I’m Sally, I’ve known Jane since high school." "I’m Mary, Jane’s aunt.")

Second hour:
Open presents
Maybe another game
More socializing and snacking as people gradually leave

WHO TO INVITE

Showers are traditionally events for women, although co-ed showers exist, and the guests of honor may well not include women at all. For the stereotypical female-only shower, think about inviting mothers, grandmothers, sisters/-in-law, aunts and cousins, and friends. If men are also invited, extend the list appropriately: fathers, grandfathers, etc. (Of course, not everyone has a good relationship with their families; you should exclude people who are abusive)

Ask the guest of honor for a list, and suggest these to start. I say that because I asked a friend for an invite list for her bridal shower and we both forgot to invite her fiance’s mother! As to whether you should invite men as well; check with you guest of honor. Only invite people who have been invited to the wedding, with some exception for destination weddings, as fewer people can make it.

Send out the invitations about a month in advance, after clearing the date with the guest of honor. Make sure to send one to your guest of honor as well--imagine the bride-to-be not knowing when or where to show up! Of course, you will want to be keeping her in the dark for a surprise shower, but think carefully before doing that. A surprise shower means that she won't be able to remind to invite her godmother or tell you that her aunt is allergic to chocolate; she won't be prepared for being the center of attention, she might have other plans, and she won't be dressed for the occasion. If she's really hoping for a shower and never hears any plans for one, she might feel forgotten before she realizes the surprise. Some people love surprise parties, but unless you're sure, don't risk it.

GAMES 

Have two to three games IF the bride wants them. If you play games, have prizes for the winner. Remember, neither the guest of honor nor the host can win, although they can play. Easy prizes include soap, lotion, $5 coffee gift cards, fancy candles, a set of blank note cards (for writing letters or for taking notes), a set of small rubber stamps, that sort of thing. Don't forget to account for ties.

The best games don't interrupt the flow of the party. Gift bingo is good, or you can have a timer go off every three minutes or so during gift opening (the giver of the gift being opened “wins”), especially if there are a lot of gifts. Or give everyone a safety pin and set a rule like “no crossing your hands” or “no elbows on the table” and anyone who catches another guest “breaking” a rule gets that person’s safety pin; the guest with the most after X time wins.

I’ve also done a game with extreme close-up pictures of wedding-related things, like a diamond seen through an electron scanning microscope; guests are to guess what the pictures are of (word bank optional). 

Another game is setting out common kitchen items on a tray, like salad tongs, a spatula, a dishcloth and letting the group observe it for a few minutes. Then hide it and whoever can write down the most items wins.

You can also fill a toasting flute with small candies and whoever guesses the amount closest wins (and wins the candy--have a bag ready if you don't want to part with the flute).

FAVORS

Showers typically have little favors. Consumables are best (lotions, soap, candies, candles). I’ve knitted up dishcloths in wedding colors; those go over well. Flower seeds or seedlings are good too, especially if they're of flowers that will be at the wedding. If the wedding is near Christmas and the attendees celebrate it, you can get one-inch diameter ornaments at places like Michaels and paint them in the wedding colors.

FOOD 

What sort of food? Go for brunch if it’s around 11:00 (fruit, donuts, quiches; that sort of thing) or light snacks for an afternoon party (cheese and cracker platter, cut vegetables, etc). If you don’t plan it for a meal time, you won’t have to serve a full meal.

Serve dessert while the guest of honor is opening presents. Have someone keep a list of who gives what. You can get or make thank you notes or postcards, stamped and addressed (don’t have the other guests address the envelopes themselves, it will be Talked About), so that all guest of honor has to do is write “Thanks for the X; we'll think of you when we use it!”