Throwing a Baby Shower

Not everyone marks new babies with showers, but if someone close to you (it's generally frowned upon to throw your own shower) is expecting and you feel like celebrating, here are some pointers:


TIMELINE

Generally, showers I’ve hosted go like this:

First hour:
Guests arrive
Socializing/snacking
Maybe a game to break the ice or introductions if people don’t know each other (”I’m Sally, I’ve known Jane since high school.” ”I’m Mary, Jane’s aunt.”)

Second hour:
Open presents
Maybe another game (easy thing to do is set a timer during gift opening, and whoever’s present is being opened when it goes off gets a little gift; you can set it more than once)
More socializing and snacking as people gradually leave

WHO TO INVITE

Showers are traditionally events for women, although co-ed showers exist, and the guests of honor may well not include women at all. For the stereotypical female-only shower, think about inviting mothers, grandmothers, sisters/-in-law, aunts and cousins, and friends. If men are also invited, extend the list appropriately: fathers, grandfathers, etc. (Of course, not everyone has a good relationship with their families; you should exclude people who are abusive) Ask the guest of honor for a list, and suggest these to start. As to whether you should invite men as well; check with your guest of honor.

Send out the invitations about a month in advance, after clearing the date with the guest of honor (early to mid-third trimester is good; the expectant mother is likely to be more tired after that; or a month or two after the due date and make it a Meet the Baby party; especially good for adopted children). Make sure to send one to your guest of honor as well--imagine the mother-to-be not knowing when or where to show up! Of course, you will want to be keeping her in the dark for a surprise shower, but think carefully before doing that. A surprise shower means that she won't be able to remind to invite her godmother or tell you that her aunt is allergic to chocolate; she won't be prepared for being the center of attention, she might have other plans, and she won't be dressed for the occasion. If she's really hoping for a shower and never hears any plans for one, she might feel forgotten before she realizes the surprise. Some people love surprise parties, but unless you're sure, don't risk it.

GAMES

Have two to three games IF the guest of honor wants them. The best ones don't interrupt the flow of the party.

Gift bingo is good, or you can have a timer go off every three minutes or so during gift opening (the giver of the gift being opened “wins”), especially if there are a lot of gifts. 

Or give everyone a safety pin and set a rule like “no crossing your hands” or “no elbows on the table” and anyone who catches another guest “breaking” a rule gets that person’s safety pin; the guest with the most after X time wins.

Another easy game is guessing the baby food. Take labels off jars of baby food and number them, have people guess based on color--but don’t open them. Give the parent(s) the answer key so the baby can eat the food later. Most babies start food around 4-6 months.

Guests can match the names of baby animals to their parents (e.g.; baby echidnas are puggles). 

One guests can do any time is guessing how many small candies are in a baby bottle.

Unless specifically requested, stay away from melting candy bars in diapers (wastes the diaper and the candy) or guessing how big around Mom is (she probably feels big enough already). If you have the ability to follow through with a prize at a later date, you can also take bets on when the baby will be born.

Not really a game, but a fun activity, is decorating onesies. Get a few in different sizes and some fabric pens, and some magazines or hardcover books to give people a good coloring surface, if a table isn’t available. 

If you play games, have prizes for the winner, and don't forget to account for ties. Remember, neither the parents nor the host can win (although they can play). Easy prizes include soap, lotion, $5 coffee gift cards, fancy candles, a set of blank note cards (for writing letters, or for taking notes), a set of small rubber stamps, some fancy soap and lotion, some small candles, that sort of thing. If you do a guess-how-many-candies-are-in-the-bottle, the winner can get the candy (bring a bag if you want to keep the bottle).

FAVORS

Showers typically have little favors. Consumables are best (lotions, soap, candies, candles). I’ve knitted up dishcloths; those go over well. Flower seeds or seedlings are good too, especially if the baby is due in the spring: you can watch your flower grow with the baby. If the baby is due near Christmas and the attendees celebrate it, you can get one-inch diameter ornaments at places like Michaels and paint them in the nursery colors or the parents’ favorite colors.

FOOD

What sort of food? Go for brunch if it’s around 11:00 (fruit, donuts, quiches; that sort of thing) or light snacks for an afternoon party (cheese and cracker platter, cut vegetables, etc). If you don’t plan it for a meal time, you won’t have to serve a full meal. Remember that some foods and drinks are off-limits for pregnant women, like certain soft cheeses and alcohol. Have at least some things that the guest honor can enjoy.

Serve dessert while the parent(s) is(are) opening presents. Have someone keep a list of who gives what. You can get or make thank you notes or postcards, stamped and addressed (don’t have the other guests address the envelopes themselves, it will be Talked About), so that all parent(s) has(have) to do is write “Thanks for the X; Baby will love it!”

SPECIAL CONSIDERATIONS

Second, third, etc baby: Some cultures only give showers for first babies, or only the first baby of each sex. I don't see a problem with celebrating each baby myself, but I like parties. I have both thrown and been given smaller parties for subsequent babies, which we called baby sprinkles. The expectant mothers were all just as excited, but didn't need as much of the big stuff, like cribs. Gifts for sprinkles are more along the lines of things that couldn't be handed down, like disposable diapers, formula, and baby food. You can also frame it as a Meet the Baby party, with less or no focus on gifts.

Shower for a "Rainbow Baby": A Rainbow Baby is a baby born following a miscarriage, stillbirth, or other infant or child death. Be sensitive to the parents' needs when asking if they'd like a shower. Some people may prefer to wait until the baby is born, some may want their deceased child mentioned in some way--there's no wrong way to grieve a child, so follow the parents' lead.

Celebrating an older child: Many adopted children are welcomed into their families at older ages. If you're throwing a shower for a parent or parents whose child isn't a baby, make that fact clear on the invitations, for example, Toddler Shower or Teenager Shower. Gifts would necessarily be geared toward the appropriate age group.

Throwing a Wedding Shower

Not everyone marks weddings with showers, but if someone close to you (it's generally frowned upon to throw your own shower) is engaged and you feel like celebrating, here are some pointers:

TIMELINE

Generally, showers I’ve hosted go like this:

First hour:
Guests arrive
Socializing/snacking
Maybe a game to break the ice and/or introductions if people don’t know each other (If there are a lot of people who don’t know each other, get the “formal” part of the party started by having guests introduce themselves by how they know the bride. "I’m Sally, I’ve known Jane since high school." "I’m Mary, Jane’s aunt.")

Second hour:
Open presents
Maybe another game
More socializing and snacking as people gradually leave

WHO TO INVITE

Showers are traditionally events for women, although co-ed showers exist, and the guests of honor may well not include women at all. For the stereotypical female-only shower, think about inviting mothers, grandmothers, sisters/-in-law, aunts and cousins, and friends. If men are also invited, extend the list appropriately: fathers, grandfathers, etc. (Of course, not everyone has a good relationship with their families; you should exclude people who are abusive)

Ask the guest of honor for a list, and suggest these to start. I say that because I asked a friend for an invite list for her bridal shower and we both forgot to invite her fiance’s mother! As to whether you should invite men as well; check with you guest of honor. Only invite people who have been invited to the wedding, with some exception for destination weddings, as fewer people can make it.

Send out the invitations about a month in advance, after clearing the date with the guest of honor. Make sure to send one to your guest of honor as well--imagine the bride-to-be not knowing when or where to show up! Of course, you will want to be keeping her in the dark for a surprise shower, but think carefully before doing that. A surprise shower means that she won't be able to remind to invite her godmother or tell you that her aunt is allergic to chocolate; she won't be prepared for being the center of attention, she might have other plans, and she won't be dressed for the occasion. If she's really hoping for a shower and never hears any plans for one, she might feel forgotten before she realizes the surprise. Some people love surprise parties, but unless you're sure, don't risk it.

GAMES 

Have two to three games IF the bride wants them. If you play games, have prizes for the winner. Remember, neither the guest of honor nor the host can win, although they can play. Easy prizes include soap, lotion, $5 coffee gift cards, fancy candles, a set of blank note cards (for writing letters or for taking notes), a set of small rubber stamps, that sort of thing. Don't forget to account for ties.

The best games don't interrupt the flow of the party. Gift bingo is good, or you can have a timer go off every three minutes or so during gift opening (the giver of the gift being opened “wins”), especially if there are a lot of gifts. Or give everyone a safety pin and set a rule like “no crossing your hands” or “no elbows on the table” and anyone who catches another guest “breaking” a rule gets that person’s safety pin; the guest with the most after X time wins.

I’ve also done a game with extreme close-up pictures of wedding-related things, like a diamond seen through an electron scanning microscope; guests are to guess what the pictures are of (word bank optional). 

Another game is setting out common kitchen items on a tray, like salad tongs, a spatula, a dishcloth and letting the group observe it for a few minutes. Then hide it and whoever can write down the most items wins.

You can also fill a toasting flute with small candies and whoever guesses the amount closest wins (and wins the candy--have a bag ready if you don't want to part with the flute).

FAVORS

Showers typically have little favors. Consumables are best (lotions, soap, candies, candles). I’ve knitted up dishcloths in wedding colors; those go over well. Flower seeds or seedlings are good too, especially if they're of flowers that will be at the wedding. If the wedding is near Christmas and the attendees celebrate it, you can get one-inch diameter ornaments at places like Michaels and paint them in the wedding colors.

FOOD 

What sort of food? Go for brunch if it’s around 11:00 (fruit, donuts, quiches; that sort of thing) or light snacks for an afternoon party (cheese and cracker platter, cut vegetables, etc). If you don’t plan it for a meal time, you won’t have to serve a full meal.

Serve dessert while the guest of honor is opening presents. Have someone keep a list of who gives what. You can get or make thank you notes or postcards, stamped and addressed (don’t have the other guests address the envelopes themselves, it will be Talked About), so that all guest of honor has to do is write “Thanks for the X; we'll think of you when we use it!”

If You Can Do Woodturning or Other Woodworking, You Can Make...

Woodturned objects have a beautiful, polished finish that for stunning gifts. If you have the tools and skills to craft gifts from wood, you can make some truly amazing keepsakes.

HOME DECOR

The dinner table is a good place to start. You can go as big as serving dishes or as small as egg cups, branch out to salt shakers and utensils, or create candle holders or a decorative bowl or a cutting board shaped to reflect a particular interest of your recipient.

Other decor for around the house include picture frames, interesting wall hangings, sconces, potpourri holders, bookshelves, and jewelry or other organizations boxes. A skilled wood crafted with enough time and material could even make a toy chest, footlocker, wardrobe, desk, or rocking chair. Some items can be repurposed; I know a woman who gets old,worn furniture like cabinets, pulls them apart, cleans the pieces up, and uses them to build something new, like a dresser or a headboard.

HOBBY HELP

It's great fun to use your own hobby to further another's. An online friend of mine shows some such items in her blog post here. You can make drop spindles for people who spin yarn, pens for writers, yarn bowls for knitters and crocheters, easels for artists, or cups or pegboards to hold tools for a variety of crafters. Having been the recipient of such a gift, I can attest that it makes doing my own hobby extra special to use something a friend created.

I received this pen as a gift shortly after one of my children was born.
Every entry in the baby book has been written with it.

TOYS

Wooden trains are the obvious choice here, but don't feel you have to stick with them if you want to try other ideas. My great-grandfather built my aunt a dollhouse about four decades ago, and once my aunt grew up, my cousins and I have taken turns playing with it ourselves or having it for our own kids. Currently, it has some handmade wooden furniture in it as well.

He put in the wallpaper and clear plastic in the windows, too. 

Wood also lends itself to other small toys, like pretend food, small dolls and action figures, sets of animals (a Noah's Ark theme would work especially well), puzzles, board games (a wooden chess set is beautiful),  and blocks. Painted or unpainted, they can add a lot to a child's pretend play.

Another relative, my grandfather's cousin, made this Nativity puzzle: it has Jesus, Mary, Joseph,
three wise men, a shepherd, a camel, a donkey, an ox, and two sheep.

HOLIDAY

A handmade menorah or kinara is a prime candidate for a family heirloom (of course, make sure your recipient doesn't already have a sentimental one to use). Bowls carved with appropriate themes are great for any feast or harvest celebration. If the holiday has specific games or activities, maybe there's a wooden item to make, like a dreidel for Hanukkah. Christmas ornaments open a wide range of ideas, a few of which can be seen on the blog I linked to before, in this post.

Of course, not all holidays are gift-giving occasions. But if you know your recipient loves Halloween, for example, a bowl in the shape of a pumpkin or jack-o-lantern for passing out trick-or-treat candy could work well.

Gifts for: a Wedding

Of course, your best bet for a wedding gift is something from the registry. I know some people feel registries are impersonal, tacky, or even selfish, but they're very useful. A wedding invitation isn't a demand for a gift, or even an appearance (rare boorish cases aside). People getting married want to celebrate, and people excited for them tend to want to give gifts. Registries are great for ensuring you buy what the couple can use and enjoy, and to avoid duplicate gifts. But some couples don't use registries, and sometimes you might want to add a personal touch

STOREBOUGHT

If nothing on the registry stands out to you, a gift card to the store is a good idea. Most places that offer registries also have a completion discount, providing the newly-weds a discount on any unpurchased items after the wedding. Cash is good for this too. One of my uncles, having already given us use of his and my aunt's beach-front house for a honeymoon weekend, handed me a stack of bills at the reception, for "gas money"--almost three times what the fuel actually cost. We were very grateful.

In general, gift cards can be useful. Not just to housewares stores either; grocery stores, home improvement stores, restaurants, or for places or events you know the couple likes. 

If you know what the couple likes to do, or where they're going on their honeymoon, you can buy something to facilitate that. Foreign currency for a trip abroad, money for exotic vaccines before overseas travel, a collage picture frame or photo album, tickets to an event, passes for an attraction like a museum, zoo, or sports event--something to help them enjoy their time together.

For couples who are setting up their first home together, housewares are certainly appreciated. If there's no registry to guide you, buying things intended to match, like plates, is tricky. But individual serving platters or bowls or seasonal hand towels or other "one at a time" items could work. For one of my cousins, I found a set of drinking glasses with the logo of her and her husband's favorite sports team: they would like it, and it wouldn't matter if they didn't match their place settings because they were more of a novelty items. Include a gift receipt just in case.

You can also make up a gift basket to stock up a pantry (flour, sugar, etc), bathroom (soap, lotion, shampoo), first aid kit, cleaning supplies; or something more fun like a date night.

HANDMADE

In general, I prefer to make small things as accents to registry items. When I was invited to a wedding last summer, I bought some towels from the registry, green and brown, and knit washcloths to compliment them.

Similarly, my mom often knits seven dishcloths, one for each day of the week, and puts them inside a baking dish bought from the registry. Or adds potholders, embroidered towels, and other kitchen goodies.

There are a lot of things you can add to wedding gifts. Think of what you can make that can be used in a home: picture frames, kitchen utensils, throw pillows, decor, etc. Maybe even a handmade card.

The groom loves dinosaurs. I drew the scales by writing their initials over and over.

And decorated these toys to be a bride and groom.

When someone close to me is getting married, I do a bit more, usually to the tune of a knit blanket in the wedding colors. We got one from a family member embroidered with our wedding date, and still have it over a decade later, so I like to give blankets too. One friend in particular had been through rough patch and things finally started looking up for her. I felt like spoiling her a bit, so I made a blanket in the wedding colors, plus dishcloths, pillowcases embroidered with the wedding date, and bought two registry items in the wedding colors.

They use the decorative box to hold sentimental things.

The point of a wedding gift is to show the couple that you're excited for them and want them to have a happy life together. Keep that in mind, and you'll find the inspiration you need.

Sewing Tutorial: Pie Carrier

A woman I worked for handed me an item like this that her grandmother had made years before, wondering if I could reverse-engineer it. I took it home, pondered it for a few days, and figured out how to make my own.

A pretty and convenient way to carry your desserts.
Works well for a plate of cookies, too!

SUPPLIES

Two half-yards of fabric, one for the outside and one for the inside (one yard total)
About four yards of bias binding
Batting
Ribbon or other item for ties

I use a set of dollar store shoelaces; the aglets mean I don't need to worry about fraying.
I found the pie fabric on the Spoonflower website in J. M. Clemenson's shop.

DIRECTIONS

Once the fabric is washed and ironed, cut a circle with a diameter one to two inches larger than your pie pan. You'll need three circles: the outside fabric, the inside fabric, and the batting.

This serving plate of mine is just big enough to be a guide

I layer all the fabrics together as I cut them so I don't need to repeat the steps three times:
batting inside the inside and outside fabric, both right sides out.

Next, cut the crescents that go on the top of the pie. I find the easiest way to do this is to cut another set of circles then use a smaller plate (salad plate, in this instance) as my guide to make the crescents about three inches thick, and cut it in half to make the two crescents. Again, you'll need one inside fabric, one outside fabric, and one batting.

Or cut the semi-circle first, then use the plate as your guide to make the crescents.
Use the little semi-circle as part of a heart-shaped oven mitt.

Cut the two straps. They should be about an inch longer than the diameter of your original circle and two to three inches wide. Now you have all the pieces: the circle, two crescents, and two straps; each one a set of one outside fabric and one inside fabric, both right sides out, with batting between them.

These crescents overlap a bit, so I need to trim them.

There we go.

Layers

Now you will sew the long edges of the straps and the inside edges of the crescents. Use a narrow seam allowance, and trim the edges as necessary.

Could have gone a little narrower, but that's nothing my Ginghers won't take care of.

Next, sew on the bias binding. I am lazy and bought bias tape; double-fold is best for all these layers. When you add it to the crescents, do the short, straight edge first. Sew your ties in when you add the bias binding to the inner curved edge. 

Make sure it's long enough to be tied into a bow; five or so inches will do it.

Sewn securely to the crescent.

Inner edges done!

Now layer the pieces, pin them in place, and sew the outer edges of the circle. As before, use a narrow seam allowance and trim the edges.

Watch out for the ties, and be sure to catch all the layers.

All you have to do now is sew the bias binding on the outer edge of the circle. And bake a dessert to go inside it.