The key to giving a good gift is to make or find something that shows you're thinking of the recipient. It's a good way to show you're paying attention and that you care about the recipient. Obviously this is harder if you don't know the recipient well, but you can at least make the effort show. It's also important to make sure that however the gift is given, it gets to the recipient safely and unbroken, and in a timely manner.
Consider the recipient
- What is your recipient interested in? Seed starts or a gift card to a garden store are great for someone with a back yard garden, but of little use to someone who doesn't have the time or energy to garden.
- Do you share any special jokes or stories? My older brother and his sports team once gave their coach a slice of cake, as an end-of-the-year present. The coach had spent the season telling the athletes how they could easily win by making a few key plays, saying, "It's a piece of cake." He loved it when his team handed him the bakery box and said, "Here, Coach. It's a piece of cake."
- Will the recipient be able to use the gift? Is it a gift card to a place far away? An item that the recipient doesn't like, is allergic to, or has religious or ethical objections to? A heavy coat for someone in a year-round hot climate? A bottle of wine as a hostess gift...when the hostess is pregnant?
- Will the gift be burdensome? Giving someone an animal, for example, is almost never a good idea! Also consider if the recipient will feel obligated by the gift. For example, a stationery set is great for someone who loves sending letters. It's not so good if used to try to guilt someone into sending thank you notes. (I do think gift givers should be thanked, but unless it's a big event like a wedding an in-person thank you or an email or text or call is enough. I write thank you notes often, but I don't have the same expectations of others.)
- Has the recipient mentioned wanting or needing something lately? Gifts don't have to be a surprise. It's more important to show that you're listening to the recipient's needs and wants, or at least trying to. Of course, unless you're specifically asked for an item to complete chores, like a vacuum or an iron, try to go for the fun things your recipient has mentioned!
- Are you giving the gift because you think the recipient will appreciate it, or because you wanted to try a new hobby, or buy a certain item (or get rid of one)? If you wanted to try a new cookie recipe and you know your uncle will love it, great! On the other hand, if it's not something he'd like then the cookies would be a bad birthday present. Regifting something new, not personalized to you, and in a different social circle (e.g.; something from a work colleague that would be perfect for your mother-in-law)--fine in my book. Regifting something used or that will be recognized ("Didn't I give you that last Christmas?")--not good!
- Is a gift card or cash better? I have a lot of art and craft supplies, and know how to knit, sew, bead, and bake. It's a lot of fun to make something as a gift. But it's not always appropriate: my dad doesn't wear hats, so although I can knit a very nice looking hat, it wouldn't be a good gift for him. He does like spending time with people over a meal though, so a restaurant gift card is perfect. Another good example is charity giving. Sometimes after a disaster or tragedy, people feel compelled to give something to help. But it's important to first check with the relief efforts--money or gift cards to stimulate the local economy, or something boring like new, clean underwear might be more helpful than a handmade toy, which is beautiful but yet another thing to carry around when the recipient might be displaced.
- Is a gift necessary? My younger brother and I realized we'd passed the same gift card back and forth to each other one year for our birthdays, which are just a few days apart. We decided that in future, birthday gifts aren't needed between us, and we send cards instead. When I mentioned the anecdote to my other brother and my siblings-in-law, we all decided that a card between us adults are perfectly fine for birthdays.
There's nothing wrong with using a gift bag (I try to save ones that presents to me come in because they're so easily reusable) or wrapping paper. However, if you feel like doing something a little fancier, here are some ideas:
- Breakable gifts: If your gift is fragile, consider wrapping it in something rigid. I bought a small glass animal figurine that one of my daughters had asked for, and the place I bought it from wrapped it in tissue and put it inside a small plastic deli box, the kind you see at self-serve salad bars. Kept the glass animal in one piece, and a simple ribbon tied around made it more festive-looking.
- Baskets: You can often find a good selection of baskets at second-hand stores, and they're great for packaging up a gift with several parts. Craft stores also carry them, and you can usually find 40% coupons on the stores' web sites. There is a wide variety of sizes, colors, and even seasonal themes.
- Boxes: Most craft stores sell plain cardboard boxes (again, remember the 40% off coupons!) that can easily be painted and customized. Dollar stores also sell shiny gift boxes, and you can reuse a box something else came in. If the box has a logo from the original store, some strategically-placed stickers or ribbon can cover it.
- Ribbon: A stack of items or several long ones (for example, cooking utensils off a wedding registry) can be easily held together with some ribbon, and you can punch a hole in a card or gift tag to tie on as well.
- Several items at once: When packaging several small gifts, think about the order you want them opened. But more importantly, keep fragile gifts on the top and heavy ones on the bottom! You can label the individual pieces with numbers if they're supposed to opened in a certain order.
- Using the gift as wrapping: I often do this with baby gifts, because my standard baby present is a baby blanket and a book. I put the book in the middle of the blanket, fold the blanket up, and tie a ribbon around it. Once I gave someone a slow cooker and packed (non-perishable) ingredients for a recipe (and the recipe itself!) inside it.
- Really creative gift-giving: My cousins once tied a (light) gift bag to the collar of their mom's dog. The bag held a photo she'd been wanting, and having her dog "deliver" it made it even more special.
- What to mail? Giving in person is great, because you also get to spend time with the recipient--and you know for sure the present got where it should (not everyone will let you know). But if you can't meet up or for some occasions where the recipient might be overwhelmed or busy already (like weddings--you can bring a gift with you, but there is a chance it might get lost), mailing might be best. Some items aren't allowed in the mail or to certain countries. For example, some states and countries have restrictions about alcohol.
- When to mail? I mail domestic packages a week before the date I want them to arrive. This allows for Sundays, holidays, and times when I mail something to the Pacific Northwest from Hawaii and it goes to Wisconsin first (yes, that's happened!). For international packages, check the recommendations for your shipping service.
- How to mail? Make sure your items are packaged carefully, of course, with padding for breakable items. Here in the US, I prefer to use the Post Office as it tends to be more cost effective and reliable for me. However you choose to send your your gift, considering a tracking number. I've only had one gift get lost (out of the dozens I've sent), but since some people I send to aren't the type to mention that they've received anything, I like to make sure the gifts arrive.
- Giving in person: Remember that not everyone is comfortable opening gifts in front of people, or before the occasion you're giving a gift for happens (my uncle, for example, jokes that my grandmother will haunt us if we open birthday presents before our birthdays). And not everyone is openly expressive. Of course, expecting the recipient to say thank you is normal, but not everyone's a gusher.
- The gift's ability to last: Is the gift perishable food? Does it need to be refrigerated or frozen? Will it expire soon? Is it breakable? Keep all these in mind when deciding how far in advance of giving to purchase or make the gift, how to store it before giving, and how you'll get it to the recipient.
- Timing: If at all possible, give the gift close to the occasion it's for. This is especially important if you've told your recipient you plan to give a gift. It's no fun for the recipient to be expecting something you've promised and never get it, and awkward to get a gift that can no longer be used. For example, getting someone traveling to a foreign country some currency from there is a good idea, but useless if it doesn't get to the recipient before the trip. On a related note, if the gift might take a long time to make or come from where it's ordered, allow plenty of time for delays. Sewing an outfit for a baby is a very thoughtful thing, but if you don't finish it before the baby outgrows the outfit, your time was wasted. As for ordering online or from a catalogue, if you order a few weeks before you want to give the gift, you won't have to pay extra for expedited shipping. You'll also know if the item is out of stock in time to come up with a back up plan.
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