Gifts that Miss the Mark

Unfortunately, not every gift is going to be the right one, no matter how hard you try. Some tips to lessen the chances:

THE RECIPIENT CAN'T USE IT

-Food or drinks that your recipient is allergic to, can't have due to health or religious or ethical reasons.

-Tickets to events or places the recipient can't get to.

-Experiences requiring mobility or health the recipient doesn't have.

-Items meant to be outside for people who don't have yards.

-Gifts in other languages that your recipient doesn't understand.

-Re-gifted items embroidered or otherwise marked with someone else's name, wedding date, etc.

OBLIGATIONS

-Gifts that require time, like concert tickets if you're not sure the recipient wants to go.

-Craft items the recipient can't or doesn't want to use.

-Items meant to be worn or displayed that you insist on seeing used--you have to be okay with the idea that your recipient might use things differently or pass them along to someone who would enjoy it.

-Precious heirlooms that are special to you but not the recipient. There may be someone else in the family who would like it more.

-Animals, and to a lesser extent, plants. 

IT'S INNAPROPRIATE

-Gifts meant for someone younger or older than the recipient, like baby toys for a ten-year-old.

-Clothing in the wrong size or wrong style.

-Super expensive gifts that make the recipient feel awkward receiving or obligated to make up to you.

-Obviously cheap presents that leave the recipient feeling like an afterthought. Note that I don't mean you have to spend a lot, but if I only had five dollars to spend for my dad's birthday, I know he'd be happier with some candy bars than a tacky bumper sticker. If I had no spare cash, a phone call would be much better than some worn-out thing I could dig up from the closet.

-Gifts that you yourself would prefer instead of ones that show you took your recipient's taste into account. Doubly so if you live with the recipient so you end up using it instead.

-Donations to a cause the recipient doesn't support.

A JOKE THAT FALLS FLAT

-Not realizing the gift exchange is meant to be nice gifts instead of gag gifts (this is more on the host of the gift exchange, but always clarify if the theme isn't mentioned).

-Clothing or home decor with sayings that are funny to you but too risque or bland for the recipient.

GIFTS WITH ULTERIOR MOTIVES

-Books or other items meant to "hint" at the recipient's perceived failings, like etiquette books or weight-loss items.

-Many self-help gifts if given out of the blue. Even if your marriage has benefited from counseling or affair prevention books, don't give such things to newlyweds unless they're requested. Offering advice is one thing, assuming everyone has the same stumbling blocks you do is different.

-Basic cleaning products, in most cases. A fancy bar of soap is luxurious, a plain bar of soap by itself is insulting. A new mop, broom, and floor cleaner are nice for someone moving into a first apartment, the same to someone who already has those is a not-so-subtle dig at the state of one's home.

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING

-I used to make beaded bells for my grandmother, at her request. One year, she slipped the two I made that Christmas into a display case and declared, "There, now it's full and looks perfect." She didn't need any more, and found a nice way to tell me. 

-Loads of food that has to be eaten right away and can't be frozen for later.

-Knick knacks, jewelry, hobby accessories, decorations, and other non-consumables that your recipient already has a lot of.

WHAT HAPPENS WITH THE GIFT?

Whether you give or receive a gift you can't use, there's no real obligation to keep it. Thank you notes should be sent (depending on circumstances, emailed or texted thanks can be appropriate) acknowledging the thought put into the gift. For gifts intended to be an insult...feel free to be sarcastic in thanking or fake obtuseness regarding the gift.

Food can be donated to food banks or places like fire stations and most other things can be donated or sold. If the gift was bought and you know where, see if you can return it for cash or store credit. Depending on the relationship between the gift giver and the recipient, it's possible to gently point out why the gift won't work and give it back or suggest someone who might appreciate it more.

Some people say you should never re-gift, but I think it's fine with certain precautions. Be sure the gift isn't personalized to you, with your initials or birth date or something similar. Re-gift to someone in a different social circle so whoever gave it to you first doesn't see someone else being given it. Make sure it's still appropriate for whoever you re-gift it too.

You want your gifts to be enjoyed, so make sure they're gifts, not edicts.