Throwing a Baby Shower

Not everyone marks new babies with showers, but if someone close to you (it's generally frowned upon to throw your own shower) is expecting and you feel like celebrating, here are some pointers:


TIMELINE

Generally, showers I’ve hosted go like this:

First hour:
Guests arrive
Socializing/snacking
Maybe a game to break the ice or introductions if people don’t know each other (”I’m Sally, I’ve known Jane since high school.” ”I’m Mary, Jane’s aunt.”)

Second hour:
Open presents
Maybe another game (easy thing to do is set a timer during gift opening, and whoever’s present is being opened when it goes off gets a little gift; you can set it more than once)
More socializing and snacking as people gradually leave

WHO TO INVITE

Showers are traditionally events for women, although co-ed showers exist, and the guests of honor may well not include women at all. For the stereotypical female-only shower, think about inviting mothers, grandmothers, sisters/-in-law, aunts and cousins, and friends. If men are also invited, extend the list appropriately: fathers, grandfathers, etc. (Of course, not everyone has a good relationship with their families; you should exclude people who are abusive) Ask the guest of honor for a list, and suggest these to start. As to whether you should invite men as well; check with your guest of honor.

Send out the invitations about a month in advance, after clearing the date with the guest of honor (early to mid-third trimester is good; the expectant mother is likely to be more tired after that; or a month or two after the due date and make it a Meet the Baby party; especially good for adopted children). Make sure to send one to your guest of honor as well--imagine the mother-to-be not knowing when or where to show up! Of course, you will want to be keeping her in the dark for a surprise shower, but think carefully before doing that. A surprise shower means that she won't be able to remind to invite her godmother or tell you that her aunt is allergic to chocolate; she won't be prepared for being the center of attention, she might have other plans, and she won't be dressed for the occasion. If she's really hoping for a shower and never hears any plans for one, she might feel forgotten before she realizes the surprise. Some people love surprise parties, but unless you're sure, don't risk it.

GAMES

Have two to three games IF the guest of honor wants them. The best ones don't interrupt the flow of the party.

Gift bingo is good, or you can have a timer go off every three minutes or so during gift opening (the giver of the gift being opened “wins”), especially if there are a lot of gifts. 

Or give everyone a safety pin and set a rule like “no crossing your hands” or “no elbows on the table” and anyone who catches another guest “breaking” a rule gets that person’s safety pin; the guest with the most after X time wins.

Another easy game is guessing the baby food. Take labels off jars of baby food and number them, have people guess based on color--but don’t open them. Give the parent(s) the answer key so the baby can eat the food later. Most babies start food around 4-6 months.

Guests can match the names of baby animals to their parents (e.g.; baby echidnas are puggles). 

One guests can do any time is guessing how many small candies are in a baby bottle.

Unless specifically requested, stay away from melting candy bars in diapers (wastes the diaper and the candy) or guessing how big around Mom is (she probably feels big enough already). If you have the ability to follow through with a prize at a later date, you can also take bets on when the baby will be born.

Not really a game, but a fun activity, is decorating onesies. Get a few in different sizes and some fabric pens, and some magazines or hardcover books to give people a good coloring surface, if a table isn’t available. 

If you play games, have prizes for the winner, and don't forget to account for ties. Remember, neither the parents nor the host can win (although they can play). Easy prizes include soap, lotion, $5 coffee gift cards, fancy candles, a set of blank note cards (for writing letters, or for taking notes), a set of small rubber stamps, some fancy soap and lotion, some small candles, that sort of thing. If you do a guess-how-many-candies-are-in-the-bottle, the winner can get the candy (bring a bag if you want to keep the bottle).

FAVORS

Showers typically have little favors. Consumables are best (lotions, soap, candies, candles). I’ve knitted up dishcloths; those go over well. Flower seeds or seedlings are good too, especially if the baby is due in the spring: you can watch your flower grow with the baby. If the baby is due near Christmas and the attendees celebrate it, you can get one-inch diameter ornaments at places like Michaels and paint them in the nursery colors or the parents’ favorite colors.

FOOD

What sort of food? Go for brunch if it’s around 11:00 (fruit, donuts, quiches; that sort of thing) or light snacks for an afternoon party (cheese and cracker platter, cut vegetables, etc). If you don’t plan it for a meal time, you won’t have to serve a full meal. Remember that some foods and drinks are off-limits for pregnant women, like certain soft cheeses and alcohol. Have at least some things that the guest honor can enjoy.

Serve dessert while the parent(s) is(are) opening presents. Have someone keep a list of who gives what. You can get or make thank you notes or postcards, stamped and addressed (don’t have the other guests address the envelopes themselves, it will be Talked About), so that all parent(s) has(have) to do is write “Thanks for the X; Baby will love it!”

SPECIAL CONSIDERATIONS

Second, third, etc baby: Some cultures only give showers for first babies, or only the first baby of each sex. I don't see a problem with celebrating each baby myself, but I like parties. I have both thrown and been given smaller parties for subsequent babies, which we called baby sprinkles. The expectant mothers were all just as excited, but didn't need as much of the big stuff, like cribs. Gifts for sprinkles are more along the lines of things that couldn't be handed down, like disposable diapers, formula, and baby food. You can also frame it as a Meet the Baby party, with less or no focus on gifts.

Shower for a "Rainbow Baby": A Rainbow Baby is a baby born following a miscarriage, stillbirth, or other infant or child death. Be sensitive to the parents' needs when asking if they'd like a shower. Some people may prefer to wait until the baby is born, some may want their deceased child mentioned in some way--there's no wrong way to grieve a child, so follow the parents' lead.

Celebrating an older child: Many adopted children are welcomed into their families at older ages. If you're throwing a shower for a parent or parents whose child isn't a baby, make that fact clear on the invitations, for example, Toddler Shower or Teenager Shower. Gifts would necessarily be geared toward the appropriate age group.

Throwing a Wedding Shower

Not everyone marks weddings with showers, but if someone close to you (it's generally frowned upon to throw your own shower) is engaged and you feel like celebrating, here are some pointers:

TIMELINE

Generally, showers I’ve hosted go like this:

First hour:
Guests arrive
Socializing/snacking
Maybe a game to break the ice and/or introductions if people don’t know each other (If there are a lot of people who don’t know each other, get the “formal” part of the party started by having guests introduce themselves by how they know the bride. "I’m Sally, I’ve known Jane since high school." "I’m Mary, Jane’s aunt.")

Second hour:
Open presents
Maybe another game
More socializing and snacking as people gradually leave

WHO TO INVITE

Showers are traditionally events for women, although co-ed showers exist, and the guests of honor may well not include women at all. For the stereotypical female-only shower, think about inviting mothers, grandmothers, sisters/-in-law, aunts and cousins, and friends. If men are also invited, extend the list appropriately: fathers, grandfathers, etc. (Of course, not everyone has a good relationship with their families; you should exclude people who are abusive)

Ask the guest of honor for a list, and suggest these to start. I say that because I asked a friend for an invite list for her bridal shower and we both forgot to invite her fiance’s mother! As to whether you should invite men as well; check with you guest of honor. Only invite people who have been invited to the wedding, with some exception for destination weddings, as fewer people can make it.

Send out the invitations about a month in advance, after clearing the date with the guest of honor. Make sure to send one to your guest of honor as well--imagine the bride-to-be not knowing when or where to show up! Of course, you will want to be keeping her in the dark for a surprise shower, but think carefully before doing that. A surprise shower means that she won't be able to remind to invite her godmother or tell you that her aunt is allergic to chocolate; she won't be prepared for being the center of attention, she might have other plans, and she won't be dressed for the occasion. If she's really hoping for a shower and never hears any plans for one, she might feel forgotten before she realizes the surprise. Some people love surprise parties, but unless you're sure, don't risk it.

GAMES 

Have two to three games IF the bride wants them. If you play games, have prizes for the winner. Remember, neither the guest of honor nor the host can win, although they can play. Easy prizes include soap, lotion, $5 coffee gift cards, fancy candles, a set of blank note cards (for writing letters or for taking notes), a set of small rubber stamps, that sort of thing. Don't forget to account for ties.

The best games don't interrupt the flow of the party. Gift bingo is good, or you can have a timer go off every three minutes or so during gift opening (the giver of the gift being opened “wins”), especially if there are a lot of gifts. Or give everyone a safety pin and set a rule like “no crossing your hands” or “no elbows on the table” and anyone who catches another guest “breaking” a rule gets that person’s safety pin; the guest with the most after X time wins.

I’ve also done a game with extreme close-up pictures of wedding-related things, like a diamond seen through an electron scanning microscope; guests are to guess what the pictures are of (word bank optional). 

Another game is setting out common kitchen items on a tray, like salad tongs, a spatula, a dishcloth and letting the group observe it for a few minutes. Then hide it and whoever can write down the most items wins.

You can also fill a toasting flute with small candies and whoever guesses the amount closest wins (and wins the candy--have a bag ready if you don't want to part with the flute).

FAVORS

Showers typically have little favors. Consumables are best (lotions, soap, candies, candles). I’ve knitted up dishcloths in wedding colors; those go over well. Flower seeds or seedlings are good too, especially if they're of flowers that will be at the wedding. If the wedding is near Christmas and the attendees celebrate it, you can get one-inch diameter ornaments at places like Michaels and paint them in the wedding colors.

FOOD 

What sort of food? Go for brunch if it’s around 11:00 (fruit, donuts, quiches; that sort of thing) or light snacks for an afternoon party (cheese and cracker platter, cut vegetables, etc). If you don’t plan it for a meal time, you won’t have to serve a full meal.

Serve dessert while the guest of honor is opening presents. Have someone keep a list of who gives what. You can get or make thank you notes or postcards, stamped and addressed (don’t have the other guests address the envelopes themselves, it will be Talked About), so that all guest of honor has to do is write “Thanks for the X; we'll think of you when we use it!”