There is a huge variety of rites of passage in many religions and cultures. What makes for an appropriate gift is going to be dictated by that religion or culture, as well as the age of the person. A baby having his bris is going to get different gifts than a teenage girl having a quinceañera, who in turn wouldn't be getting gifts appropriate for an adult man being ordained into the priesthood. Especially if you're not from the same background as the person celebrating the rite of passage, do your research. For example, a Bible is a reasonable gift for a Christian rite of passage, but there are different versions and translations, and some are more appropriate for one denomination than for another.
The key to giving a gift directly related to the specific rite is to find something that will continue the recipient's journey. For example, when one of my children celebrate First Communion, she got a beautiful missal (a book that aids in following and understanding our church services) from one of her godparents. It's a keepsake she'll be able to use for decades.
Of course, especially with non-perishable gifts, you have to consider the recipient's position in life, and age. A missal would have been hopelessly redundant for my cousin when he was ordained a priest in his thirties--not only does he already have his own, he'll be able to use the ones at any church he serves. But a set of towels that my mom embroidered with his initials for when he moved into a rectory shared with two other priests? Practical and thoughtful.
Children's versions of holy books are popular gifts for childhood rites of passage, and can be very well-received: more than three decades later, I still have the children's Bible my godparents gave me at my baptism. For younger children or babies, there are also many toy versions of various religious objects. Provided they wouldn't be considered sacrilegious (some religions don't allow art depictions of deities or religious founders; for those that don't such a restriction, religious art like icons are wonderful), many parents will be happy to have these tools to help their children learn about their faith on their level.
For teenage rites of passage, older gifts are more appropriate. Though the person may as young as twelve, these rites indicate a person's adult decision to live according to the particular beliefs. In-depth books about the history of the specific culture or religion are a great idea, or other ways to broaden and encourage the person's journey. When people enter a new religion or culture as an adult convert, similar consideration should apply.
If you're concerned that your recipient may become too overburdened with things, especially if the rite of passage includes a long-distance move, a heartfelt card can be perfect. Food is is another wonderful gift--with a rite of passage, be sure to take extra caution that you aren't using any ingredients forbidden by that particular culture or religion!
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| Bonus points if the food is related to the occasion: these dove cookies were for the baptism of a pre-teen family friend |
Some rites of passage might require a person to abstain from material goods or wealth. If religious in nature, a promise to pray, light a candle, offer a mass, or other invocation particular to the religion should be appreciated. Another idea is to donate to the person's cause as allowed by the group's rules--for example, in-kind donations like food might be allowed but direct gifts of money might not. In general, if you have any doubts, ask if the gift is appropriate. When you're giving a gift to support someone through a rite of passage, it's more important that you respect the recipient's beliefs than that the recipient is surprised by the gift.
If you're uncomfortable giving a gift specifically tied to religious or cultural significance, or even if you know the recipient well enough to have an outside-the-box-idea, there's no rule that you have to give a "traditional" gift. When my first godchild was baptized at six months old, I knew she already had a children's Bible, and that her grandfather who's a deacon was likely to give her any religious item you could name. I also knew that she was fascinated by looking at patterns of swirls and dots, so I gave her a framed print of Van Gogh's Starry Night. It was hung in her room right away.
And when her grandfather (my uncle) was ordained as a deacon, I baked him some of the bread his grandmother used to make--in the course of his study, my uncle had amassed and read more religious books than I could count, and he already had many sentimental religious items. The bread wouldn't take up space in his home for more than a few days.
The bottom line is that you want your gift to show that you're excited the recipient is entering the next phase of their journey through life. Whether you find a way to show that through attending the ceremony, finding or making the perfect thing to help them with that journey, or know just what will make them happy on that special day, you're saying you acknowledge the importance and the impact of the rite, and that you care.
