Throwing a Wedding Shower

Not everyone marks weddings with showers, but if someone close to you (it's generally frowned upon to throw your own shower) is engaged and you feel like celebrating, here are some pointers:

TIMELINE

Generally, showers I’ve hosted go like this:

First hour:
Guests arrive
Socializing/snacking
Maybe a game to break the ice and/or introductions if people don’t know each other (If there are a lot of people who don’t know each other, get the “formal” part of the party started by having guests introduce themselves by how they know the bride. "I’m Sally, I’ve known Jane since high school." "I’m Mary, Jane’s aunt.")

Second hour:
Open presents
Maybe another game
More socializing and snacking as people gradually leave

WHO TO INVITE

Showers are traditionally events for women, although co-ed showers exist, and the guests of honor may well not include women at all. For the stereotypical female-only shower, think about inviting mothers, grandmothers, sisters/-in-law, aunts and cousins, and friends. If men are also invited, extend the list appropriately: fathers, grandfathers, etc. (Of course, not everyone has a good relationship with their families; you should exclude people who are abusive)

Ask the guest of honor for a list, and suggest these to start. I say that because I asked a friend for an invite list for her bridal shower and we both forgot to invite her fiance’s mother! As to whether you should invite men as well; check with you guest of honor. Only invite people who have been invited to the wedding, with some exception for destination weddings, as fewer people can make it.

Send out the invitations about a month in advance, after clearing the date with the guest of honor. Make sure to send one to your guest of honor as well--imagine the bride-to-be not knowing when or where to show up! Of course, you will want to be keeping her in the dark for a surprise shower, but think carefully before doing that. A surprise shower means that she won't be able to remind to invite her godmother or tell you that her aunt is allergic to chocolate; she won't be prepared for being the center of attention, she might have other plans, and she won't be dressed for the occasion. If she's really hoping for a shower and never hears any plans for one, she might feel forgotten before she realizes the surprise. Some people love surprise parties, but unless you're sure, don't risk it.

GAMES 

Have two to three games IF the bride wants them. If you play games, have prizes for the winner. Remember, neither the guest of honor nor the host can win, although they can play. Easy prizes include soap, lotion, $5 coffee gift cards, fancy candles, a set of blank note cards (for writing letters or for taking notes), a set of small rubber stamps, that sort of thing. Don't forget to account for ties.

The best games don't interrupt the flow of the party. Gift bingo is good, or you can have a timer go off every three minutes or so during gift opening (the giver of the gift being opened “wins”), especially if there are a lot of gifts. Or give everyone a safety pin and set a rule like “no crossing your hands” or “no elbows on the table” and anyone who catches another guest “breaking” a rule gets that person’s safety pin; the guest with the most after X time wins.

I’ve also done a game with extreme close-up pictures of wedding-related things, like a diamond seen through an electron scanning microscope; guests are to guess what the pictures are of (word bank optional). 

Another game is setting out common kitchen items on a tray, like salad tongs, a spatula, a dishcloth and letting the group observe it for a few minutes. Then hide it and whoever can write down the most items wins.

You can also fill a toasting flute with small candies and whoever guesses the amount closest wins (and wins the candy--have a bag ready if you don't want to part with the flute).

FAVORS

Showers typically have little favors. Consumables are best (lotions, soap, candies, candles). I’ve knitted up dishcloths in wedding colors; those go over well. Flower seeds or seedlings are good too, especially if they're of flowers that will be at the wedding. If the wedding is near Christmas and the attendees celebrate it, you can get one-inch diameter ornaments at places like Michaels and paint them in the wedding colors.

FOOD 

What sort of food? Go for brunch if it’s around 11:00 (fruit, donuts, quiches; that sort of thing) or light snacks for an afternoon party (cheese and cracker platter, cut vegetables, etc). If you don’t plan it for a meal time, you won’t have to serve a full meal.

Serve dessert while the guest of honor is opening presents. Have someone keep a list of who gives what. You can get or make thank you notes or postcards, stamped and addressed (don’t have the other guests address the envelopes themselves, it will be Talked About), so that all guest of honor has to do is write “Thanks for the X; we'll think of you when we use it!”