Gifts for Emergencies

When disaster strikes, be it a friend losing a job or an earthquake leveling a city, it's natural to want to help. But what can you do, especially if the people you want to help are far away? What can you give that will be helpful rather than burdensome and respect the dignity of those you're trying to help? How do you safely get it to the right people?

STRAIGHT CASH

In many cases, the immediate need is money. People might need a hotel to stay in while escaping an abuser, new clothes after surviving a fire with only their pajamas, or food and medication to make it through to the next day. When people can choose their own things to buy, it ensures they get the correct items to meet their needs, like correct shoe sizes or things that won't aggravate allergies. It also allows the victims some dignity: asking for help requires a lot of humility. When a wide-spread disaster affects a whole region, buying necessities locally also helps the business owners and employees who are struggling with the same problems. Gift cards are also helpful this way. 

Monetary gifts can also be funneled through various charities, which have the advantage of being more efficient through the use of economy of scale, buying in bulk, and already-established connections. However, it is imperative that you be sure the charities are legitimate and reputable. It's all too common for fake charities to pop up in the wake of disasters and scam people who want to help. Be very suspicious of new charities you've never heard of before, and research them. Charity Navigator, Charity Watchdog, and Guidestar are good sources to check, as well as Consumer Reports and news outlets. If you're unsure the legitimacy or efficacy of a given organization, don't give it a cent. If you have reason to believe it's an outright scam, contact someone who can do something about it, like a news reporter, law enforcement, or the attorney general's office (or local equivalent).

IN-KIND DONATIONS AND MASLOW

There is a place for physical gifts--money isn't the only thing that can help. Right after a catastrophe, what's needed? What gets priority? Don't assume that the thing you want to give is the thing that's needed. The season nine M*A*S*H episode "Death Takes a Holiday" drives this point home (spoilers alert: go watch the episode if you're able; it's really good): a main character donates exquisite handmade chocolates to a local war-torn orphanage, continuing his family tradition of giving such luxuries to the less fortunate. He's initially outraged to learn that the orphanage director sold the chocolate on the black market, but softens quickly when the director points out the happiness from the treat would have lasted a moment or two, but the money from their sale will provide food for an entire month. The donor apologizes for his outburst with an eloquent epiphany: "It is sadly inappropriate to give dessert to a child who has had no meal." 

https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html

Maslow's hierarchy of needs puts the needs at the base of the pyramid as the first priority: food, water, medical aid, shelter; what we need to survive. After addressing these--that is, ensuring the disaster victims stay alive--psychological and self-fulfillment needs can be addressed. They don't need to be strictly linear though; you can comfort someone while providing food, for example.

In the immediate aftermath, there might not be time to go shopping, or even the ability, depending on the time and scope of the disaster. But if you have on hand extra food, blankets, clean water, or a spare room--and you can safely share them--feel free to. Be sure your items are appropriate: you'll have to search long and hard to find someone who wants used underwear, no matter how new it looks. Heat-and-serve meals can be convenient and are often comfort foods, but not very easy to make if there's no home to cook it in. Don't give just the sake of giving; give something useful. 

As the recovery progresses, there is likely to be ongoing needs. This is when hand-made items might be more appropriate--you can invest the time needed to make something after basic needs are met (either by you or someone else; you don't have to do it alone). Sometimes groups will auction off a large items made for a specific. For example, after the 2014 Oso mudslide in Washington, a small group of people came together to commission and sew a quilt that was auctioned off with other donations at a gala (https://www.heraldnet.com/news/oso-memorial-fundraiser-seeks-to-help-build-a-place-to-heal/). All the proceeds, including ticket sales for entry, went to help the community that had been destroyed and build a very moving memorial for the 43 people who died. Similarly, groups like the Linus Project provide handmade blankets to children in hospitals, and other charities make other keepsakes to help families through difficult circumstances. Pre-existing social groups like churches and guilds often organize meal trains or house cleaning when a member is beset by financial, medical, or other catastrophe.

Currently, the world is still dealing with the already months-long COVID19 pandemic. People are stressed over the uncertainty of...everything, and the end is unclear. Initially, the concern was scrambling to have enough hospital space and medical equipment. While that's still being addressed, there are other issues that need attention too. There's plenty of time for those with the ability and resources to sew masks for people, either for donation or sale (no moral objection from me; people need to be able to buy food). People feeling isolated need phone calls, video chats, or letters to feel connected again.

Along similar lines, some charities help victims of long-lasting or widespread disasters funnel their talents into businesses, setting them up for long-term success. Fair trade items, though not without controversy, are a good example of this, and available in a variety of physical and online stores.

BURNOUT AND OXYGEN MASKS

As you help someone through an emergency, watch out for your own well-being. While you can absolutely make a difference to some people, you can't save the entire world. You also won't do much help in the long run if you, for example, visit a disaster-torn area and end up taking much-needed resources from the actual victims of it. 

Burnout is a real thing. Far too often, family ends up sole caretakers for a loved one who needs professional help, and feels too embarrassed or proud to ask for help, or doesn't realize how much the help is needed until it's too late. It's not wrong or unloving to admit that you can't do it alone; on the contrary, I think it takes more love to be able to let people help--your love for your family member is more important than your pride. Take care of yourself and don't spread yourself too thin. You won't be able to continue helping if you run yourself into the ground. As the saying goes, put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others with theirs.

It's okay to say no sometimes. You don't need to help every single person, especially when doing so is detrimental to yourself. Don't metaphorically set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Sheltering an abuse victim is undeniably selfless, but are you opening yourself up to danger from the abuser? It might be better in the long run to get the abuse victim to a safehouse or professional shelter. 

THE LITTLE THINGS

Depending on your circumstances, you might not be able to do much in the way of monetary or in-kind support. You yourself might be one of the victims of the disaster, or maybe the disaster was of a scale that you really need to step aside and let the professionals handle the matter. Those of us who remember the 9/11 terror attacks might also recall that people lined up to donate blood...but there weren't enough people who survived to use that much and blood banks turned people, including my brother, away and asked them to come back in the next few weeks to keep the baseline blood supply adequate.

So, what happens when it seems like there's nothing you can but you're still drawn to help? You remember that your gesture doesn't need to be huge. Even a five dollar donation to a food bank can be added to the small donations from dozens of others and stretched to help far more than you could do on your own.

As you would with someone grieving, you can also show support just by being there. Even if the disaster doesn't come with actual loss of life, it will be jarring to the victims. A card, a phone call, attending a public memorial--this means something to people trying to put their lives together, and helps with the higher parts on Maslow's hierarchy pyramid.

When you feel called to help, take care to offer real, meaningful, and useful help--and answer the call. 

Gifts for Delivery People and Other Service Industry Workers

No man is an island, and all of us rely on people to help us at one time or another. Some people have standing appointments with a regular hairdresser or other beautician; some people need or want food and grocery delivery; some people have household help like cleaners, maids, nannies, and maybe even cooks and drivers; many subscribe to newspapers, landscaping and pest control businesses; and waste management services; and most, if not all, get mail and more from the post office and other parcel delivery companies. Often, people want to display their gratitude around the holidays or at other times. Here are some ideas.

COLD, HARD CASH (OR GIFT CARDS)

You can't go wrong with this! Many people add an extra tip for newspaper delivery, beautician services, and household help around the December holidays, or add a bonus to the last paycheck of the year. Make sure your tip gets to the right person--send or hand it directly to your recipient if possible.

It might be more prudent to give a gift card in some cases. I leave envelopes with coffee shop cards taped to our trash bins for our waste management people, for example--it's a little more secure, it's obviously not garbage, and since they don't always come at the same times each week, it's ready when they are. Same for my letter carrier--it's easy to leave a note on my mailbox, as it's on my porch. When I was in an apartment with dozens of other tenants, I was able to figure out our normal delivery time for days I was home (package tracking will tell you what times packages are left), and hang out to meet the letter carrier.

Some companies limit the value of a gift their employees can receive. For example, US postal workers cannot accept gifts worth more than $20. Check to be sure your efforts are within such guidelines.

REFRESHMENTS

Some people make a habit of leaving snacks and drinks for service workers. I try to leave a cooler with water bottles for letter carriers, parcel delivery, and waste management workers if it gets above 90 (hot for my area, and they tend to come in the middle of the day). In the winter, I leave out hand warmers. In that same large apartment building, a UPS driver dropped off a package shortly after I put cookies in the oven. I told him he could come back when he finished delivering the rest of the packages on his cart. He did, and it made my day to be able to give him fresh cookies. During the COVID19 lockdowns when people were ordering more and more online, I put out a basket with (fresh) snacks each day, and sewed face masks for delivery people and waste management workers (those I put in Ziploc bags and taped to the trash bins, with notes).

I also printed out this comic strip to adorn the mailbox

If a service worker is fixing something in your home or you have landscapers outside, it seems only polite to at least offer water and use of the bathroom if needed. 

A PERSONAL TOUCH

If you know the service worker well enough, you can make or buy something more personalized, even if the personalization is limited to a heartfelt note. I used to be a nanny for a particular family, for four years. The first December, I was pleasantly surprised to see a large bonus in my paycheck. The following Christmases, after we knew each other better, I got gift cards to stores the family knew I liked and my children were given fancy Christmas dresses. When I found out my letter carrier liked Cherry Coke, I gave him a six-pack of cans for Christmas. 

Although, one time I got a Christmas bonus of a microfiber throw blanket (not as a service worker, in an office)... some co-workers commented they'd seen the same throws at Costco for very cheap, much less than previous years' holiday bonuses... the office manager was later arrested for embezzlement. You don't need to break the bank to give a thank you gift if you feel so inclined--as these people are doing their jobs and hopefully being paid well to do so, you don't need to give anything at all. But whatever you do, don't embezzle to do it!

Planning for the Future...Way in the Future

Nostalgia is powerfully evocative. If you can, you might want to consider hanging on to some things for the future. For example...

GET IT BEFORE YOU FORGET IT

If you get a brilliant idea for a perfect gift, get it sooner rather than later. At least write it down so you won't forget. I've had a Christmas present waiting since the end of December 2019, because I had the opportunity to get it then and didn't want to miss it. I also have a book that I'll pair with a knit baby blanket when a particular friend has a baby--it's a story about a present being broken on the way to a party, the same way the gift I gave my friend for her wedding shower broke.

Plus, the gift that broke--a tea set from her registry--was an inside joke from our childhood

In the past, I've also saved things I found at secondhand stores, waiting for the right time. Once I found a book about a duck family and put it away for when my brother had his first child (like my friend, I knew he wanted a family). He almost got a little teary when I gave it to him and his wife after they announced a baby was on the way--six years after I found the book.


PLAN AHEAD

Some gifts might take a while. Making vanilla extract only takes two ingredients, but requires months to be ready to use. When I grew a cutting of my great-grandparents' houseplant that I inherited for my grandfather (their son) as a birthday present, I needed to start growing it several weeks in advance. Last Christmas, I gave some of my family pumpkin and watermelon seeds from my garden. That meant that when I harvested the plants, I had to remember to set aside the seeds, let them dry, and package them to last until the following spring. I lost them twice in that time! Fortunately I found them again both times, but I should have learned the lesson the first time. I plan to do the same with flower seeds in the future, and I have a better system now!

Be on the lookout for things that can be used for gifts. Bits of wedding invitations can become custom Christmas ornaments. When I knitted dishcloths for party favors at baby showers for my nieces and nephews, I saved a few to give them for housewarming presents when they're adults.

Labeled, just in case

Think of things to mark the passage of time for anniversaries or birthdays, like things made in specific years.

This proof set is from the year I got married--I already gave my husband the penny on our first anniversary, the nickel on our fifth, and the dime on our tenth. The quarters will wait for our twenty-fifth, but I'll likely not wait for a fiftieth anniversary for the half dollar, and definitely not for a hundredth anniversary for the dollar!

You might also have access to some special memorabilia, like clothing or jewelry that belonged to a deceased loved one. Personal effects can be given as is or made into keepsakes, like a throw pillow made from fabric cut from a favorite shirt or earrings made into suncatchers.

I made these throw pillows from fabric a friend's late mother had saved:
one for my friend, one for each of her grandchildren

Plus a few bookmarks and a Christmas ornament from the last few

These medals belonged to my late aunt. I've kept them safe, and have been passing them along when my siblings and cousins have children, so her great-nieces and -nephews have something of hers

SCHEDULE IT

If you want to mark a particular occasion, leave yourself reminders. Paper or electronic calendars are good options, and some email services let you schedule emails for later. As in the picture of the dishcloths, I label gifts that I'm saving. Aside from the possibility I might forget why I'm saving something, there's a chance I'll need to trust someone else to take care of it for me after I'm gone.

Reminders are also good for gifts that require several steps. My parents have three kids; when the last of us was about to get married, I had an idea to get pictures of us siblings together at each of our weddings and put them in a nice frame for a Christmas present. I had gotten married eleven years before and my wedding pictures were taken on film, and unusually sized film at that--plus since I hadn't been planning this already, I needed to zoom in on one of the pictures to crop just us. I ended up having to track down a specialty photo place and wait a few weeks for them to get the pictures developed, and they were also able to make other prints for Mother's Day (Mom with each of us at our weddings), Father's Day (Dad with each of us), and the following Christmas (Mom and Dad at each wedding and at theirs, since that Christmas was shortly before a milestone wedding anniversary. It would have been easier if I'd thought to get those poses at the time, instead of hoping there was something salvageable more than a decade later!

SAVE IT

What do you with a gift while you hold on to it for months or years? You need a dedicated spot to keep it, so it won't get lost. My sister-in-law has a shelf in her closet, I keep two boxes under my bed--whatever works for you. Just be sure it's safe!

Christmas on the left, everything else on the right

Sewing Tutorial: Mermaid, Whale, or Shark Tail

Mermaid, whale, or shark tail blankets/sleeping bag sort of things are widely available to buy ready-made in stores, but they're also not difficult to make at home. Here are the steps I followed to sew a trio of customized mermaid tails.

It's hard to find "panda unicorns in space" mermaid tails in stores.

SUPPLIES

Fleece fabric 

Cotton quilting fabric

Waistband elastic

The amounts you need will vary based on the size you're making--I used less than a yard of fleece for one child who wears a size 3 or 4T, and closer to one and a half yards for the two who wear sizes 8 and 10/12; less than a quarter yard of cotton for each, and one two-yard package of waistband elastic between the three. I've tried making tails with different elastics and with separate fabric for the fin parts, but I find this way works best.
MEASUREMENTS

You'll need to take six measurements:
1: total height
2: armpit to toes
3: around torso with arms at sides
4: around ankles with feet should-width apart
5: over the shoulder (for straps)
6: across chest (armpit to armpit)

These are the measurements for my child who wears a size 8

Next, you need to adjust some of the measurements a bit for the pattern. This is for seam allowance, and to be sure the tail isn't too tight. The tail is made in two halves, so you also need to divide the third and fourth measurements in half, as I did in the picture above.

1: subtract 4-5 inches (10- 13 cm)

2: no adjustment

3: add 2 inches (5 cm); divide by two

4: add 2-3 inches (5-8 cm); divide by two

5: add 1 inch (2.5 cm)

6: no adjustment

CUTTING THE MATERIAL

You will be cutting two identical pieces of fleece, two identical strips of cotton (or one long one cut in half), and two pieces of waistband elastic.

For the fleece, cut two rectangles the length of Measurement 1 by the length of Measurement 3.

In this example, 45 inches long and 18 inches wide.

Mark the center of the the short ends of the rectangle. From there, mark the spot the length of Measurement 2 from one short edge: this second mark will be where the tail starts, and the narrowest part of the tail. Center Measurement 4 on this second mark, and cut a diagonal line to shape the tail. Do the same on the other side. 

Here, the left side is 18 inches wide, tapering down to 11.5 inches wide over 36 inches.
There is still room on the right to cut the fin shape.

With the fabric remaining past the narrowest part, cut a fin shape.

Looking more a like a tail now!

The next two pieces are much simpler. Cut two pieces of cotton quilting fabric six inches (15 cm) wide by the length of Measurement 3. Fold the strips in half (i.e.; 3 inches/7.5cm wide), wrong sides together, and iron. These will be used similar to quilt binding.

Six inches by 18 inches for this tail

Finally, cut two strips of waistband elastic for the straps, using Measurement 5. 

Time to start sewing!

CONSTRUCTION

You'll start by attaching the straps and the cotton to the top of one piece of the fleece--that is, the end opposite the tail fins. Mark the center of the top side, and pin the straps on the wrong side of the fleece, according to Measurement 6. If your waistband elastic has a right side and wrong side like mine does, be sure the wrong sides of the elastic is facing the wrong side of the fleece.

The outer edges are 8 inches apart for this size tail.
Arranged this way, the black side will show--
I ended up changing it around for the silver to show.

Next, position the cotton strips. The cut edges will match up with edges of the top of the tail and the ends of the elastic. Sew these three layers into place.

Fleece wrong side up, elastic wrong side down, cotton with raw edge where the WonderClips are
Again, I actually flipped the elastic, as shown in the picture below.

My needle is in the middle position.

Just like you would do with quilt binding, bring the cotton over to the right side of the fleece. The straps will be sticking out between the fleece and the cotton. Sew the cotton down, both at the top of the tail and at the folded edge.

You could just sew a hem along the top of the tail and attache the straps within the hem,
but I think this looks nicer, and is a sturdier.

That's one side done--now the other one. It's pretty much the same process, except you need to be mindful of the half of the tail attached to the other ends of the straps. Be careful!

Once you're sure the straps aren't twisted, sew them and the cotton on like on the first half.

You should end up with your two tail halves set up like this. If you're making a shark or other fish tail, please be aware that this will make the tail "sideways" from how the animals actually look, as their tail fins are vertical compared to their bodies while whales and dolphins have horizontal tails. This might not matter to you, but it might be important for the child you're sewing for. To correct this, you would attach both ends of the same strap to the same half of the tail. It would also make it easy to add a dorsal fin to the seam that will end up along the child's back.

In retrospect, I should have moved the needle all the way to the left when I sewed the folded edges.

Now it gets easier again: pin (or clip) the two halves right sides together, and sew around the perimeter--except for across the top, of course! You can overcast the raw edges if you want to, but with fleece it's not necessary. It comes to whether you want a bulky seam or a raw seam.

I used a narrow zig-zag, and left the edges raw.

Turn it right-side-out and cut any errant threads, and you're done!

Ready for a movie night.

Gifts for: Getting Well

When someone is sick or injured, it's natural to want to help. Here are some ideas:

FOOD

Someone who's recovering is going to be exhausted, physically and mentally. Having food on hand helps people remember to eat. A variety of foods that can be frozen and eaten readily help both the person recovering and anyone helping.

Soups, quiches, casseroles, cookies, and snacks like sausage rolls all freeze well--these kept my parents fed for several days following a medical procedure, so the one who had it could rest and the one who didn't could take care of other things around the house, and both had more time to relax.

As with any gift of food, be aware of allergies, intolerances, cultural and religious taboos, and other dietary restrictions. Try to deliver the food in packaging that doesn't need to be returned to you, like bags, foil, or cheap containers. Have the food cooked if possible (in the picture above, the minestrone soup is cooked but the noodles are still raw, so they don't fall apart before the soup is eaten) and ready for the freezer, with instructions on reheating. Include an ingredient list as well, as some foods interact with medications you might not know the recipient is taking. Consider including utensils and napkins as well. Maybe some flowers, too!

Of course, you don't have to do it all yourself. You might want to organize a meal train, where several people coordinate days to drop off food. Often a person's co-workers, friends, or fellow members of a religious community are happy to help.

And the food needn't be homemade. It might not be practical to try to send homemade food over long distances. When a relative had a baby in the NICU several states away, I wasn't able to mail a lasagna. What I could do was call a few local food delivery places and pay for gift cards to be sent to my family, so they could focus on the new baby (who is now doing great) instead of trying to figure out what to have for dinner. Another time, I signed up for a day on a meal train for a church member with a new baby, and ordered pizza for my night. The pizza parlor had no issue delivering to an address different than that of the person paying for it, and I included a delivery tip in my payment (and told the family I had).

HOUSEHOLD HELP

Everyone has at least one housekeeping task they dread, whether it's dusting or laundry or dishes or something else. If you're close enough to visit during someone's convalescence, offer to help with a task. Be specific: "Let me sweep so you can rest" instead of "Can I do anything?" It's easier to agree to a specific task than think of one. Especially for a long recovery, you can ask if anything's due soon, like a car's oil change.

If you're not close, you can also offer to hire a maid service or to pay for a neighbor to mow the lawn. Some hairdressers and beauticians even offer in-home appointments!

You can even help by proxy. At the moment, I can't visit my grandparents to help with anything directly because of COVID19 concerns, and because of their age, they're supposed to stay home as much as possible. But my next-door neighbor is about their age, and her family can't visit for the same reason. Instead of bringing my grandparents food, I've taken a few meals and some flowers to my neighbor and started taking her waste cans to and from the curb on trash pick up days, and my grandparents' neighbors have checked on them. My grandparents like to hear that I'm looking out for the people around me, and I appreciate those who have helped my grandparents.

SHOW YOU CARE: BE THERE

While neither my neighbor nor my grandparents are sick (thank God), they have felt cut off with the lockdown orders. I can't visit in person, but I can make more of an effort to call and send pictures and letters through email and regular mail. When people are at home for a long time, it's very helpful for them to know the world hasn't left them behind.

In normal circumstances, you can visit a person in the hospital, recovery center, or at home to relieve boredom and provide face-to-face interaction. Even if there's no housework to do or meals needed, a visit can lift spirits.

COMBAT BOREDOM

Depending on the illness or injury, recovery can be long and boring. One of my friends was on bedrest when she was pregnant...for weeks. She felt fine, but had to be in the hospital to keep her twins safe. The hospital staff was excellent to her, but she was far from the only patient, so she craved visits. Another friend had a long recovery at home following knee surgery, so I sent her some puzzles and crossword books. When an out-of-state cousin had a stroke and was ordered home to rest, I mailed her several books in her favorite genre, coloring books for her two children, and snacks for everyone.

RELIEVE THE BURDEN...DON'T BE ONE

Recovery can be hard. The body needs resources to heal, and physical, occupational, and other therapies are exhausting. Some people really like their alone time! When visiting, keep in mind that a person might tire more easily, and be ready to cut your visit short. If you visit someone in a hospital or nursing home, check with a staff member first to be sure the person is ready to receive visitors. If visiting someone at home, be prepared to be told that it's not a good day for a visit. You can be frustrated at the situation, just don't take it out on anyone. Also, trust the person's doctors. This is not the time for quack remedies or empty platitudes--it's one thing to send a thoughtful card with the promise to pray for someone, it's another to blame a person's malady on lack of faith. Be careful not to give gifts that require a lot of energy to use, and don't expect to be waited on. You want to be the one helping!

Gift Espionage: Making Sure it's Perfect

You have an idea for a great gift, but you need some information from the recipient. How can you find out without giving away your surprise?

GET PEOPLE TALKING

Most people talk about themselves easily. Want to be sure the socks you knit will be the right size? When I wanted to knit a pair for a co-worker, I complimented her shoes by saying, "Those look so cool! Do you know if they come in size 10s [my size]?" Just as I'd hoped, she responded, "I don't know...these are 7s." She told me where she bought them so I could find out, but I'd already found out what I wanted: her shoe size.

Most people also like to give advice. Be subtle. Recently, I wanted to buy my husband a dashcam. He'd mentioned wanting one, but I knew he'd want certain specifications. So I asked my brother to pretend he was in the market for a dashcam and ask my husband which one was best. My brother reported back to me, and I knew what kind to get.

Look for openings to ask leading questions, but try to not be too obvious. You don't want to make your recipient feel uncomfortable.

ENLIST HELP

You can often get in touch with a person's parents, siblings, or roommates to find out clothing and shoe sizes, and whether they already have the latest book in a series or a subscription to a particular service. This is also a great way to check for allergies, intolerances, and other reasons that your idea won't fit as well as you thought. 

Do be sure to specify that you're looking for gift ideas--maybe the person helping you will think your idea is perfect and get a duplicate!

CHECK ONLINE

Does your recipient have an online presence? Check out Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and other profiles to glean information on favorite colors, books, movies, brands, foods, and styles. Some people even belong to online gift exchange groups, and keep up a list of ideas for them.

MAYBE...SKIP THE SURPRISE

If you really need to know specific information and can't find out through other channels, you'll need to either get a different gift or go directly to the source. It's not a GOOD surprise if the gift ends up something the recipient can't use.

For my dad's last birthday, one of my brothers suggested a ladder. Dad had seen my brother's and commented that he should replace his with the same kind...just as he said to my other brother, and to me, when saw each of our ladders--newer and more versatile than his. I first called our mom to confirm that Dad hadn't already bought himself a ladder in the past few months. He hadn't, so we agreed  ladder was the way to go. Then my other brother found a fantastic sale; the ladder was discounted from $170 to $95. But it was a foot shorter than the model my brothers and I have... I put in another call to Mom, but she wasn't sure the height of Dad's current ladder or how tall he needed it to be. The sale only lasted another day, so my brothers and I decided that since we couldn't really wrap a ladder anyway, we'd just tell him what we were getting him and make sure we got the right size. It would do no good to save money on a ladder that he couldn't use. The shorter ladder DID turn out to be tall enough for what he needed, and we were able to take advantage of the sale (and the free delivery), and most importantly, Dad was happy with his gift: something he needed and wanted, but couldn't justify getting for himself.

Gifts for: Saying Goodbye

What do you do when someone is leaving for somewhere far away? How can you encourage your relationship to survive the distance? If you want to encourage keeping in touch, you can give...

SOMETHING TO REMEMBER ME BY

We live in a city with military base: people come and go often. When a classmate of my daughter was preparing for a move across the country and sad about missing her friends, I was able to get the teacher to help with a going-away present: the teacher took a picture of the class, emailed it to me so I could print it, and I put it in a wooden frame found cheap at a second-hand store so the class could sign it.

Pictures and cards are good mementos, and easy to pack. For someone you're especially close to, you might be able to make or find something to recall a special time you had together, or a joke you share. 

As long as it's not too difficult to pack, maybe you can send along something your area is known for: specialty foods (that won't spoil before they can be used), artwork (that will stay intact), plants (that aren't invasive), or other memories of a former home.

HELP FOR THE JOURNEY

The person who's leaving likely has a long way to go, be it by plane, train, car, boat, or some combination. Money or gift cards for gas, food, and lodging along the way are sure to be helpful. You could make a playlist of songs that are important to the two of you, or buy or make activity books keep the recipient (or the recipient's travel companions, especially young ones) occupied. If the trip includes travel to a foreign country, your recipient might like foreign currency or maybe a handmade or storebought pouch to hold a passport and other travel documents.

WELCOME TO YOUR NEW HOME

Do you know your recipient's new address, and can you time mail to be there on moving-in day? If not then, maybe a week later--perhaps with gift cards to local places or guides to the new area. Many cities are willing to mail brochures from the chamber of commerce, and companies like AAA are also a wealth of information on where to get started in new places. For foreign countries, a bit of cash in the local currency can be very helpful; you can get this at most banks (although it can take up to a few weeks).

Not everyone will want to advertise that they're new in town, so don't go signing people up for welcome services or registering them at local clubs. Instead, give your recipient the information and leave the decision to the one who will be affected by it.

STAYING IN TOUCH

Don't let "out of sight, out of mind" be true. If you see something that reminds you of the person who moved away, text a quick picture. If an annual event you used to attend together rolls around, maybe send a souvenir or postcard of it. 

You can make it easy for your far-flung recipient to stay in touch, too. When another classmate moved away, my daughter's class sent her off with a stack of stamped cards addressed to their classroom (and a few blank ones) so she was able to write to them from time to time. 

Moving far away is a big step, and you want to make it easy on those who undertake it while letting them know that distance is something easily overcome by friendship.